Hexes&Curses

Baby. .

2010-02-22T06:48:00.000-08:00

Precious.

2010-02-11T23:00:00.000-08:00

Ive always been blamed for every single mistakes there is in this life. For the remote control that's faulty. For the foot rest that's broken. For the fact that she insulted my parents. For love and concern i had towards a friend. For every itch that i stopped her from scratching.For all the deceive that he has came up with. For someone who wanted to snatch something so precious to me.

In the end, it has always been my fault.

And now its you, for all the lies you came up with, for all the hurt that you've put me through, for all the sickness that i gotten until now, i am to be blamed. You're punishing me for all the mistakes that you've done.

But it's okay. For you that i've ever loved, for you that i've always trusted, for you that i've given my all to, for you that i've ever fight for, i will bear everything on my own shoulders. By my self because there's nothing that i wouldn't do just to be with you. Afterall, you're the first guy ive ever fallen this hard for. And you shall always be that really really nice guy ive ever known. You shall not worry about a thing, nothing you could do can change the way i feel for you.

That is something a guy can never understand.
May you be the first and last.
Goodbye.

Hello World!

2010-02-10T16:48:00.001-08:00

2010-02-03T23:40:00.000-08:00

Why do i always procrastinate? I keep telling myself to cut my fingernails,eat, text some friends, sign some forms but i ended up doing something else. I think it's already by nature that one is fond of procrastinating. Believe it or not, i am now telling myself to do my Maths revision homework that dues this Monday. I know i'll forget about that too. I have an organizer but the only thing that i look upon is just the picture of me and Arif which is glued at page 109. No no i do write notes and to-dos daily but i will somehow ignore it untill the next day when i will just go "oh shit!". Tsk.

I need a holiday.

I seriously need that holiday in March. I'm praying to God that i'm able to go on a short vacation to somewhere really really cold. I want want want to. I know i'll go crazy if i don't get out of this humid situation where people does nothing but just scold scold scold. Crazy old hags. But the problem is, i'll miss my boyfriend. How? :(

I was just flipping through Np's JAE requirement and i went "WADDAFUCKKKK" The cut off point for psychology is 10?! Faints* I think i'll end up in ITE if i continue to procrastinate like now. I have yet bathed and start working on my folio (like how i planned to just now) CHANGE OF PLAN. 415 lunch with Mum and Dad, 430 bathe untill 5pm. 5pm till 7 is Maths Revision! 7 to 8pm i'll start on my daily addiction, cruel tempation. Hehehe ^^ After that till 10 or 11 i'll do my d&t folio. Tomorrow is Friday. Can't wait for Saturday. Shopping with family again.

Something weird happened in class today. Mr A asked for my number. What the hell? Ape lah nasib aku nih. I thank god that i'm blessed with a good looking, smart and nice boyfriend. Hahah.

Mum just called me. MAKAN TIME!!

Immature.

2010-01-21T03:21:00.001-08:00

Though i have 101 pending work that due tomorrow,i still find the time to grab some crackers and chat with Lynn baby today. She told me what she heard in the school canteen some time back. And i was immensely heartbroken. I don't know why but it hit me so bad. I was already feeling so down cast when F had to turn his back on me. Sigh. This is life.

I keep saying that he's the meanest thing on Earth. Yes he is. Maybe he was right when he said i'm dumb,but at least i still have the basic manners. I STILL practice saying "thank you" whenever someone helped me with something. I have never been ungrateful if someone helped me out. Why must you do that to me? I don't really mind about that,but what was the need to say that you don't like me? Hey,i don't like you too. I don't like your attitude,your face and everything else about you. But i didn't make a fuss out of it cause i know that it's not worth it. Seventeen yet childish. Maybe you just need to adapt to an environment where there's people like MY FAMILY and MY CIRCLE OF FRIENDS to be a little more mature than you are now. I'm not saying you're not mature at all. You are,if not,you wouldn't know how to make a women out of your girlfriend. It's just that you're IQ level is just too low. Stop being so immature and shut your trap. Everybody has their own opinions, still you don't have to voice it out.

I believe that i've been nice enough to keep quite,being patient and been putting up to your nonsense after all these while. I AM embarrassed,whenever everybody else asked me if i'm your ex girlfriend. Yes i am. Accept the cold hard truth. Anyway we've never been in a relationship before, right? You said you liked me,but have i ever said that i like you? Hah,i wont be liking someone who's as stupendous as you. Sorry.

I spent my free time borrowing Chicken soup for the soul @ the library today. It is really life changing. I've learnt how to forgive and forget. Whatever it is,you're once a friend and always a friend. No matter how many times you misplace your folio,i will always pick it up for you. Because you were once a friend. You are a part of my life. I know i am too. If i'm not,why do you keep looking at me? I noticed. Stop being so ego.

P/s; I feel so sad cause i can no longer talk to my boyfriend now. :(

I miss you.

2010-01-18T04:44:00.000-08:00

"There's gonna a time
You will feel like you're lost
Feel the night will never end
Through the daybreak
It's hard to hold on
But remember
there is still tomorrow.

You'll make it there
To the place where reality and dreams
And love will be together
I'll keep the light from fading
If the clouds blind your way
And the wind sways your faith.

I'll be your love, I'll be your light
I'll never make you feel, feel alone
If yesterday blindfolds your eyes
I'll bring you tomorrow
I'll be your love,be your light.."

Let me see you smile? :)

2010-01-10T03:20:00.000-08:00

Okay laa i know i fat already dont have to keep asking right? Hmph.

First of all,happy birthday to Ilyas, as known as Elygraphy who's popular with capability of capturing perfect original pictures. Hope you had a wonderful day yesterday and today. Don't be shy okay. I hope you'll learn the habit of being very very talkative,like me. Berceloteh! All the best. :)

I got to meet my jedi master today!!!!!!!!! Yeay yeay yeay :D He made me laughed all the way. I don't know why i laughed so much but his presence made me so happy. And i have his smell all over my closet. Heh heh heh 10th! :D Will be getting back O's result tomorrow and i'm a lil nervous. Please please please give me a A1. Please cause i don't wanna do karangan over and over again. Sigh and will be away from Tuesday onwards. Gonna miss jedi master, mum, dad, pinker, apiz, nenek, makcik, pakcik,sister and Joojoo. Hehehe Ice Age dah nak start!! Toodles!

4th

2010-01-07T22:49:00.000-08:00

Today's the 5th day of the week. Phewwwwww, finally i'm done with school. But unfortunately i have to attend tuition tomorrow while everybody else is having their rest. :( It's okay, i'm sure every little bit of my sweat will be paid off by the end of the year. I'm really sure, heh! This week have been fun,sad and tiring. Fun because i laughed non-stop with my dear best friend and the boys. I missed that during the holidays. Heh ^^,) We had height and weight taking during P.E lesson today, don't ask me what's my weight. I can't believe my height is only 1.52. How short is that? :( Even Fek and Lynn has grown so much. But i don't wanna drink milk too much. It'll only make me fatter. Sigh. On a lighter note.. er no,there's no lighter note. *fikir lame lame*

There is actually. Looks up ^^ It's our fourth month today. I'm so happy that i have a slim, good looking, nice, anti mat rep, smart, neat, clean, sweet- boyfriend. Unlike somebody. *inside joke* Anyway i'm happy that we've turned 4 months together,i hope there's gonna be a lot more months to come. You know i love you right? No matter how angry i may get with you, the love i have for you will never fade. Looking at the rate that we're going,i know we're gonna last forever.. Heh (:

(Note to self: I miss Arif already.)

Okay,too much sidetracks! In school today i managed to..

I smuggled nuggets and ice lemon tea into Malay class today. Heeeee hee i know Fazira's jealous. Lol! I'm so looking forward for Monday because because because we're getting back our Malay O level results. Okay no, i'm sooo nervous. After getting the results,i'm gonna go to camp! It's Friday already and i havent got the camp things ready. Sigh fatin nak beli bedak! Tadi pagi fatin tengah cakap dengan Arif abih terlepas bedak abih tumpah sume sampai habis tapi fatin buat bodoh je sebab kusyuk nah cakap dengan mamat tu. Hehe i bought that bedak for over 3 months already. Time to buy a new one okay. The only obvious reason to why i buy POWDER to stuff on to my face is because i don't feel comfortable wearing make ups or compact powders to school. Not like somebody wear mascara and compact. Hahahahah buang mase k girl. Pergi skola nak belajar, bukan woo jantan. Woops. Sorry babe xD

Okay i shall stop bitching and bathe now. Toodles.

Sweet nothings.

2009-12-27T06:51:00.000-08:00

Because I can't go on forever like this.

L.O.V.E.

2009-12-19T06:15:00.000-08:00

All in all, i like this most.

I like those times we had for each other.

Where we sit down and laughed at each other.

Where we never complaint taking public transport, regardless how he's out of cash sometimes.

Where we looked in each others eyes.

Where we said the things that we really meant.

it's more than this. .

Thanks for the beautiful memories.
She's all that he could ever asked for.

;A

Soccer Addict.

2009-12-13T06:46:00.000-08:00

I just had a little chat with my dear Arif not long ago. And it kinda reminds me of something. I didn't want to say it to him while he's feeling a little remorseful due to the downfall of his favourite soccer team. So i guess it's best to jot it down here. Since it's already half dead with only 250 counter hits. Sigh. Anyway. We were talking about this team not playing their best for the last two games and it goes like this..

What i remembered was something that i read few months ago. It was about the side effects of an soccer addict. Do you know that if you're really diagnosed with football/ soccer addict-illness, you tend to change physically and mentally in real life? It is perfectly alright for someone to feel sad when their favourite team lost a game or two. They will remorse for a few days and go on with their own lives. But if these football/soccer fans are taking things too far, they MIGHT develop a destructive dependence on the sport. Haha, yes! Such things happen.

Just like smoking and doing drugs, football/soccer have their own problematic behavioural symptoms too! It's as serious as forgetting your spouse/ partner/ children's names or in other words, relationship neglect. It can also lead to failure in workplace. You will tend to forget that you actually have a job. Lol, it's really hard to believe that a simple sport can mean so much to someone untill it ruins their life. Worse still, you will start to feel ill or empty inside in the absence of televised football matches.

Sigh. I never thought that a passion for sport would lead to such illness. You're actually falling out of life just by being a football fan? It's a shame how people get addicted to something so bad till they can't move on with their lives when something bad happens to it. You must know how to divide your attention to all the different interests in life equally. To avoid any harm happening to you physically, mentally and maybe emotionally.

That goes to smoking,too. Maximum of 11 bucks a day. That is if you smoke a packet per day. If it's more than one then it would be 22 bucks. Do you freaking know how much 22 bucks is? Maybe it's not that much. But it's only 22 bucks PER DAY. You're already wasting over 600 bucks per month. I'm so proud to say that none of my family members are addicted to smoking. It's important to drill such precautions to our loved ones regarding these kind of addictions. It may affect his/her life and yours too. I am sooooo gonna keep track of every Noor Hafiz's movements when he grows up. I am never gonna let him enter the zone of soccer or smoking addiction! Neverrrrrrrr.

Anyhoooo,i love this Pixie Lott song on my blog because it is sweet sweet suuuuhhhweet! :) Apart from all these sweetness, i am so nervous because the release of N levels result is in less than a week! Can you believe that? Less than a week! And i'm so gonna meet my boyfriend soon. I miss him a lottttt. :D & i'm sure he's very unhappy about this post of mine because it exposes ONLY the SIDE EFFECTS of watching soccer or football. No worries baby,i'm always gonna support you and your interest in soccer. Just like how you promised to watch bollywood with me some day. Hehehehe ^^,)

Shall update again soon. Probably after i get my results. I hope it's gonna be an excited and joyful post after that. If not,sigh,i'm never gonna be able to forgive myself. :( Wish me luck sweethearts.

Much love.

It's russian.

2009-12-10T23:50:00.000-08:00

Suddenly many people talked to me in MSN. It was scary. Soon after Arif went offline, people started to send me those "hello wadsup?" messages. It reminds me of my brother. My five year old toddler taught me this line. " Foxtrot above my head,we're all hanging by a thread.." He's so clever. It's amazing how such a small and young child knows words such as insomniac, awesome, shut the hell up, and errr.. moncong babi. He loves to talk about his bestfriends in class. Syukri and Ryan. They all sound so cute. I wanna be a kindergarten teacher can? I wanna teach Apiz more bombastic words so that he can be the smartest in class. :] Awh now i miss him. Not to mention the other day when he had a hard time separating from me and dad. He really really likes my dad. I don't know why.

I'm currently waiting for my sister to get home from school and we're heading to circus on ice later in the evening. I'm doing nothing but blasting the stereo system with lady gaga's music on MTV. Her tattoos are so pretty. :B Oh! Talking 'bout tattoos, last night i had a weird dream. I dreamt about mum buying for me this neutrogena cream. It was suppose to make my skin soft but when i spread it all over my chest, there were tattoos all over my body. Red and blue ones. & when they did it, there were blood all over my body. I screamed my lungs out till i woke up. I woke up and texted Arif. I thought it was already afternoon but it was only 12.

Sorry,too many sidetracks. I guess all i have to do now is to forget everything that has happened last night. Hell to whatever he or anyone else thinks. I did my part and it's all up to him to say anything he wants. Cause everything that comes in,eventually will come out. There's no point of me sitting here pondering about what went wrong. Let's just move on.

& Happy 20th birthday Arif. I love you. :D

tik tok

2009-12-10T22:25:00.000-08:00

I just need a freaking space to breathe,to be happy again. All he does is just come back home and vent out anger. Typical men. I'm not being sexist here but heck, everybody does that. You had a bad day, you're tired, you call up your freaking girlfriend and you shout your lungs out on her. Who do you think i am? You don't freaking appreciate the things that we did for you. All you did was to criticize our choice. And you said that i choose the wrong company? At least they freaking appreciates every single thing i did for them. Who do you think you are? Everybody should listen to what you say, but you don't freaking care about what people think. You don't abide the rules, you don't freaking understand what people feel. Many a times that i feel like giving everybody up. Because i feel that its useless to have a boyfriend or even family. But who i am when they're all gone? I was that close to asking Arif for a break up last night. But i placed my phone inside the drawer instead cause i know if i were to reply his texts,i would just hurt myself over and over again. Yes,the cold hard truth is i wanted a break up. Not that i dont love him,it's just that i feel nobody freaking understand me. Not even my jedi master. I don't know why i felt that he's just another stranger to me. I'm at a point where i feel for all those minah(s) and matrep(s), ape nak jadi,jadi lah. I freaking hate everybody. Cause they're just another group of morons who makes me feel worse. Bye.

Fight for this love

2009-12-06T08:07:00.000-08:00

"Anything that's worth having
Is sure enough worth fighting for
Quitting's out of the question
When it gets tough gotta fight some more.. "

-CC

Veux.

2009-12-02T22:55:00.000-08:00

I woke up at 10 yesterday. Did nothing but just to eat, MSN,and sleep. I slept at 3 plus till 5. Dad asked me to get up cause he don't want me to have sleepless nights later in the night. True enough,i did. Arif had to "twinkle" me to sleep last night. Heh.

Yesterday i rest myself in the tub for 45 minutes. I plugged my ears with some songs and just closed my eyes. I heard my phone ringing for 10 times. Heard my sister calling for me a lot of time. " Arif is calling! Can you get out already?!" But i literally ignored everybody. For once i felt so lonely. The other day i talked to Dela on MSN,and she made me teared bigtime. After that i had a proper bath and continued pondering on mum's bed. Soon enough Arif called and we talked till wee hours. Heee ^^.)

Now i'm currently watching 7th heaven on star world. Sigh im so bored :( Yan asked me out today. But.. i didn't want to. I asked him to come over to my house instead. & he said maybe some other time. Not that i dont want to,it's just that,it's not gonna be nice at all. Whatever.

15 more days. I miss school already. Sigh.

2009-12-01T02:17:00.001-08:00

TU AMOUR.

Only you.

2009-12-01T00:59:00.000-08:00

I spent 240 minutes pondering about this boy today. I held pinker tight and cried on her tummy while reading everyday's wisdom. I tried to calm myself down while listening to my phone ringing non stop. I saw Arif's name and face on my phone, but i put it aside. My sweetheart put me to sleep for the past four nights and mornings. Every night at 12am onwards, and six hours later. Never got bored of the same old nursery rhymes. They sound so good, like a lullaby. You use to call me your lullaby when youre having your sleepless nights. When we're still friends, remember? I thought i did nothing, but now, i know how it feels. "Sleeping will never be the same again without you.." To have someone who's always there by your side. Talking about almost everything so slowly just to make me sleepy. Calling my name ample of times even after i fell alseep. Knowing that i'm already asleep, yet he's still at the other end waiting for me to find him, just in case if anything goes wrong. I'm just thankful that God lead me to you. Yes,you are God's greatest gift to me. I love it whenever this boy talks about the future. Just like last night. How he plans to change the furnitures every 5 years. 24/7, from midnight to subuh, and many more. & today alone, without a single reply, Arif called me 8 times and sent me 18 texts just to made me feel better. I'm sure there's never gonna be anyone better than you, love. I hope you wont change from time to time. I can't wait to spend the rest of my life with you. I love you,so much! Muah. :)

Last day being 15.

2009-11-25T02:08:00.000-08:00

Let's recall back to what i've achieved (or not) for the last one year..

I took a deep breath,walk through the school and stayed out of everybody's way. I sat beside my former bestfriend,Haslinda in class. She was fun to talk to. Ms Honey Kwok changed our sitting arrangement soon after. & She put me beside the naughtiest,yet sweetest boy in class,Muhd Hosni. We grew closer and closer. My nights wouldn't be complete without his late night calls asking about the class time table and homeworks. In front of him,sat a special girl. A girl who turned my world around, made this planet a better place for me. Yes,Fek. =) We weren't really close at that point of time, she had her own clique, i had mine. She had Alex, I had Hosni. But me and Fek always leave class together, toilet breaks,recess, and many many more. We grew closer as time goes by. Laughing at those girls who thinks they're so cool, she's everything that ive ever wanted in a friend. We grew closer when we finally realized that our bond with our former bestfriend(s) grew wider. :( Maybe because me and Syafiqah weren't in the same class,and i hope she reads this. I don't know why we're not close anymore. But somehow,sometime, i still ponder about what went wrong. We use to be so close. I miss those times we had,spending the whole day in CP doing nothing but just jiggy down the escalator and in the library. I still love you,for changing me to a better person. For leading me to a better path. Thank you so much. :) Apart from all these misunderstandings, Sharifah were the one who've been there for me through thick and thin. The one who knows every single dark secrets that i have.. & many many more. I wouldn't survive school if it's wasn't for her.

Two months pass by and i got to know this boy,a very sweet innocent boy,Muhd Hidayat. He was very scared to fall in love. Silly boy got me thinking bout him all night long. I thought he was the one,i swore that i'd marry him someday. I'd live my whole life with him around. But in the end,I broke his precious little heart. This is a confession,maybe something that everybody in the whole world do not know of. Yes,i broke up with Yat. Partly because of Farah. It wasn't about that entirely. It was more about another guy.. Thinking about it,i finally admit that i was bitch. For meeting Yat but texting Hafiz at the same time. I'm really sorry. =( He gave me his everything, ditched soccer training, classes, just to make me happy,but in the end,i took him for granted. I knew this boy really took me seriously. He would wake up at 5 in the morning just to send me to school. Make me breakfast, and make me smile. :) Instead of being loyal, i changed and broke up during one of his bestfriend's birthday. This boy knelt down and cried infront of me, but i ignored. He even made me this cute art and craft card. He passed it to Alex,asking him to give it to me. I opened it up in the Comp Lab and smiled. It was funny. He calls himself Pak Mat because he says Pak Mats are usually very very silly. :\ But i didn't accept him back and eventually moved on with my life.

The months pass by and i started to build up my interest in Math and C. Humanities. And for the first time in four years,i passed my Math End Of Year examinations! :D Of course,with all help from Ms Serene Low and Sharifah. & Parent's prayers,i managed to get the 8th position in class. Great achievement from 30th in class okay. Something to be proud of. I know i won't be where i am now if it's not for my parent's support, bestfriend and teachers. Thank you. :)

A long three months break after that. Another year of school started again on the 3rd of January. The following week,i got to know this boy,unexpectedly. He keeps on viewing my profile on Friendster. But he didn't add me up. Being the usual old flirty girl,i added him up. & he sent me a comment on Friendster! "Hi, thanks for the add. Mind Intro? Much Appreciated. =) " We talked through several comments and then i gave him my email add. I became a part of his busy life. He didn't talk to me much,if he does,his replies will be arrogantly sarcastic. But i knew that this kinda habbit is just one of an ego guy's way to play "hard to get". 7 months pass by and he finally showed me little signs of him falling for me. Yes,that arrogant fella is falling for me. What was i feeling? Happy is an understatement. I think this boy is really really nice. I thought that maybe, just maybe, God brought this boy to me as a chance for me to make up to all my evil deeds ive done for the past years. All those betrayals,secret love affairs with D. (Dont worry faggot, i'm still nice. :) I wont publicize your name here aight.) and many many more. All i wanted to do is just to change for the better,maybe,for him. & i did.

Who is this boy? This cute fella who made cupid shoot arrows right through my heart.

The one that i had my first real kiss with. He's none other than you,sweetheart. I guess you've already figured it out by now. Maybe since the moment when i mentioned, arrogant? Hehe ^^) Thanks for being there for me,for being such a sweetheart and buy for me flowers everytime we meet. You are really,the sweetest ive ever met. The person who made me feel,instead of think,turned my sleepless nights to sweet dreams, made my bad day to the best day ive ever had. Im always happy whenever youre around baby. Hoping to meet you soon,cause i'm missing you so badly now. :( & we're not even talking now. Which make it a lot worse. Please wake up soon! :D I love you,and i hope that you love me too.

Days have been easier,happier and shorter. This sweetheart of mine made everything possible. :] I promise,i wont mess this relationship up and break another innocent boy's heart. This i promise you.. & with all help from teachers and bestfriend,i finally got to my goal,which is to be one of the top fives in class. I came in second! :) What more would you ask for,good studies, a healthy relationship and a happy family. I never really thought that i'd be this happy today. Never the less,i know that i'm gonna go through another period of setbacks sooner or later. But i'm sure i'll get through anything,anything. :D

I hope that tomorrow's gonna be a good day to start a new chapter in my life. Of course,together with my family members,boyfriend and bestfriend. I don't know what's in store for me in the following years,but all i know is i'm always gna be having them by my side through everything. Thanks for everything. Thanks for the great year.

And Selamat Hari Raya Haji to all! :D Happy birthday Fatin!!

F irritated!

2009-11-22T21:53:00.000-08:00

How long have i known my boyfriend? You wanna know? Solve this. [(30.5 x 2) + (30.5 x 7) - (0.24 x 7)] You'll get the answer. So bitch,stop asking. I dont fucking care if you know him first or i know him first. At least he didn't ignore me just like that at one point of time. You don't know how i get to know you. Through people. A LOT of people have been talking about you. Since two years ago. Not only when i wanted to get help from you a month ago. It was all an act. You know im good at this right? And stop enquiring about the hottest guy in my school. Stop asking if there's any good looking guys in my school. Stop asking about me and my boyfriend. Stop asking me why the fuck did i break up with that hot guy. Stop telling me that it's a waste. Of course it's a waste to you. You don't fucking know him that well. He have literally touched me, sang for me a song in public, bought the same raya clothes with me for three years in a row, talked to me till wee hours, rush down from his place to mine, met my parents thrice, talked to my aunts, made friends with my friends, held my favorite baby cousin in his arms. AND IVE FUCKING SEEN EVERY SINGLE TATTOO HE HAS ON HIS FREAKING HOT WHITE BODY. Jealous? I know you really wanna do that. But too bad,you will never get the chance to. :)

And for your info, he HATES pink and self proclaimed princess. How i know? Because i know him. Unlike you,who only chatted with him on MSN TWICE IN YOUR WHOLE LIFE. Hah pathetic! Find someone who's like you okay.. Don't find a boyfriend like him, standard tak same babe. People like us choose black over pink. Not the other way round. That explains it all.

Anything you want.

2009-11-17T03:38:00.000-08:00

After looking back at this picture up here,i finally agreed with my boyfriend about him saying that ive gained weight. After a week (and a day) of not meeting each other, Arif told me that i gained weight. >:( As usual,i would sulk whenever someone says that i'm fat, but he pulled it through by saying "I suke you macam gini!" while doing that very special talent of his,putting up a cute puppy face. Awwww eventhough it was only 5 hours, it actually made my whole week. Thanks b. :)

I had Filet-O-Fish for breakfast and ayam percik for lunch. Gonna have chili crab later in the evening. Yayness. It's been months and months since i had a taste of those fresh red/white soft meats. But it's actually a bad timing for me to eat ketam. =\ But it's okay,i will bear just for the love of food. Heeheeee ^^,) Last Sunday i went to Malaysia with both of my parents. The jam was rabaksssss. :( I sat in the car and listened to some old malay songs. Not Jiwangz but some old fashion-ed songs. You know,P Ramlee? It was on radio. Whatever. It reminds me of prom. I don't know why. Come to think of it,i'm not really excited. I think my date is not too excited too. But i don't know,forty bucks long gone. >:( Khai,mana kau? How pathetic. I haven't talked to my 'date' since school closed. Wtv.

On a lighter note,tomorrow,i'll be watching 2012 with sizzy @ i dk where. Hee sis' treat. Best or what? It's a birthday treat anyway. I can't wait wait wait wait for my birthday. Now i sound like a five year old kiddo. Mmm what should i wear? I need to buy more shirts. :( That's it for today. I want to eat Ketam!!

Live like we're dying

2009-11-10T19:43:00.000-08:00

Oh my god, i swear i'm gonna put this video on my phone! He's so adorable. I prefer Kris Allen's version of this song compared to The Script's. Playing this video on repeat mode cause he's oh so adorable can? But for sure Arif's much more cuter when he's spreading butter all over the pancakes. Untill he refused to talk to me. :( Anyway he's still the sweetest. Even though you prefer to shout "GOAL!" in the middle of the convo and hide your hand in your pocket when i wanted to hold hands while walking. I still love you sweet heart. Heh heh:]

Anyway yesterday i had Malay O levels. Exams are finally,officially over for me. F I N A L L Y. To hell with books, i even misplaced my report book and Prom tickets. Shit. (Note to self:Puteri just got online. Ha ha) I know i have to look for it later on in the afternoon. I'm currently busy downloading some pictures and music on my phone. Weeeeee, yesterday me,sis and dad went to Tampines Mall just to get my sister's BabyG watch and both (me and sis') new phone. N97!!! :D I wasn't that excited though cause Arif was there, too, which caught all my attention. I didn't even bother to check the phone condition. First time. Well eventhough i was down all the way, i managed to calm myself down after i got home. When Arif finally had his rest, i made myself Milo & started my 15 minute massage. I read a book called "Everyday Wisdom" and finally learnt how to forgive and forget. I'm sure Puteri don't expect this happening, Nurul said i shouldn't bother bout this female dog. But I don't know? :\

On a brighter note,i saw some reasons that others might not see. Thanks to Mum, i finally opened up my eyes. And that actually made me feel a little grateful. Blessed, for all the people i have around me. Some things went wrong in between but i'm sure that there's gonna be a way out to everything. For now, forgive and let go. It's difficult cause she have already considered me being her "friend". Hah she's never a friend. A rival since young.

& oh! Yesterday,after we finished our paper Sharifah,Rully and I had this moment of laughter. For just a tiny while. As soon as they said that time is up, Sharifah faced back and we talked for awhile..

S:Eh,where's my cupcakes?
F:What?
S:You say you want to give me right.
F:Huh. I say i want to give Arif,not you.
S: HURH!
F: HAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHA!!

Young Albert was invigilating us. I think he saw me and Rully talked. Oh no >:\ And FOR THE SECOND TIME IN MY LIFE,I REMEMBER THAT GUY'S NAME! TAUGEH!! Hehehehehe ^^) Sorry Sharifah. But i was jealous. That's so obvious. It's ironic how everytime Sharifah falls in love, i WILL fall out of love. Just like yesterday, she was bragging 'bout how clever,sincere,nice that guy is while at the other side.. I am going haywire. :( I use to brag on how nice my boyfriend is. But at that point of time, all i could say is "lucky you." & She even said, she can't imagine how am i gonna whine later on when i get married with Arif. LOL Me and Sharifah came out with some possibilities. & it was hillarious. As usual,she made my day.

& now,i'm waiting for Ain to get my codes done. Sigh i'm so bored with my life right now. No school means no fun means no work means boredom. I'm so gonna cherish every body in my life right now. "The only right response to hatred is love.." Right. No plans today. It's Nurul Huda's birthday. Happy birthday sweetheart. ^^

2nd

2009-11-08T01:38:00.000-08:00

Dear diary,

I learnt how to bake a buttercake last night! What an achievement. Gotta give myself a pat on my shoulders. It has been a long time since i really did some hands on in the kitchen. Never thought that doing a buttercake would be as easy as that. I baked a buttercake just because it is my second monthsary with Arif today. & i can't be meeting him empty handed right? So i decided to make him some cupcakes. My mum played a very important role in making this happen. & My sister too. For being a paparazi and cake tester. Teehee,thanks sizzy & mum! Not to forget, my supportive dad and grandma. Bestfriend,Sharifah,for the "mocking" tone of encouragement. As soon as i told her that i wanna bake something for Arif,she just went "you? kitchen? HAHA!" I know it may sound like a bad joke, but it's just something that i love to do. You don't know that side of me rightttt. Heh chin cia po ah loves you still babe. winks*

Was exhausted with putting the icing on top of the cupcake,sweating, and smelly. So i took a break and slept till 1130. I placed my phone right beside my left ear so that i could wake up when he calls that night. And he did! :D I slept right after that and God knows what i replied to his sms-es. Heh woke up quite early today and got back to the cupcake. Bathed and met Arif for break fast. Handsome nyeeeee. Heh we had Macs for breakfast and spent some time together. Overall,it was one of the best moments in my life. & i got my 6th rose. Thanks for everything love. :)

I guess i have to start mugging on MT now. Omg two days more. Straight A's Fatin!

Yours truly,
Nurul F.

I aint no hollaback girl!

2009-10-30T04:33:00.000-07:00

I can't believe i'm listening to old Gwen Stefani songs like hollaback girl and sunday morning. I still remember the years when Apiz were still a new born baby. I was supposed to take care of him. So i placed him on my lap and had my eyes glued on to the telly. MTV! Watching those music videos of Gwen Stefani and Pink. "I heard that you were talking shit. And you didn't think that I would hear it. People hear you talking like that, getting everybody fired up" Reminds me of A. I'm sure her cousin is gonna show her this if she happen to read this. Hah Wadeva k. Anyway i'm doing five things at one go now! I'm chatting with Arif & Elly in MSN,deleting emails, facebook-ing, playing tic tac toe with Sonia (Ashriq's sister) and.. singing to Rich Girl's song. Hoho! Elly's convo is damn long i tell you. We've been talking non stop since.. 7pm? Lol okay she use to be in my school but we've never talked before. Wth? Time to streghten those bonds!

I spent my last day of school with Sharifek and the rest in class. We took pictures! :) I'm sure gonna miss them. & for the 2nd time,i kissed Lynn today. Heh i love bday girl so much ^^. After school mum asked me to get for her food @ Macs. So yeh,i went macs all alone and got myself MacChicken and mum Double Cheeseburger. It hadn't been a good week for me though. Have been having nightmares for the past few nights. But i was super happy yesterday cause i got to meet Arif. He's soundly asleep by now but all i wanna do is talk to him. Because because.. someone just have to spoil my friday night by scolding me for no apparent reason. I'm actually already numb. Use to these kind of things. Yeh wadeva. I'm getting back my sony ericsson tomorrow. Yeay & meeting Apiz again! After that gonna relax at home and watch hindustan. Hah. I feel like bursting right back at her face now. Shut up will ya?

Mr Cyclops.

2009-10-26T02:31:00.000-07:00

Once upon a time,there's this boy who caught my attention the most, he has only one hairstyle for his childhood. Which is bald or botak! He swears a lot, smokes a lot and also make me laugh a lot. His name is Muhd Yazid bin Azman and he's turning a year older tomorrow! Heh. Hope you're not mad at me for uploading this picture here. It's the only picture i have of you. I know this is something very unexpected for me to do for you. Especially after everything that has happened. I just wanna wish you a happy warm 17th birthday on this 27th. Which is tomorrow. I'm sorry i couldn't get you anything. In fact,i didn't get you anything last year too. I'm really sorry. I hope you would understand. You might think that i've forgotten about your birthday but i didn't. Absolutely not! :B I wanna thank you for being such a nice shoulder to cry on, arm to punch, friend to rely on, eye to throw highlighters to, advisor for my blogskin and many many more. You're a nice guy indeed and i've never regretted knowing you. We had some struggle times together some time back but hey! I'm sure those wrong paths we took lead us to a happier place now right? No? :( I just wanna let you know that you've been really kind to me all these while. Yes something went wrong, words that we've never thought of are being said, but still, you're a really nice friend. & you shall always be. Do you know that whatever shit you've said to me whenever we quarell have always been on my mind whenever i did something wrong? Something like " jangan fikir dunia nih ade kau sorang je,jangan nak fikir perasaan kau je.." I will always remember that. You've made me a better person now. I hope you wont forget me as i would always remember you as a sweet memory. Enjoy your day tomorrow and don't just sit at home doing nothing. I hope that on this date, you'd find happiness and something that would definitely light up your life. May Allah bless you with all the happiness and joy in the world. Hope you have a better year ahead! Amin.

Yours truly,
Cinta.

Keep control of your hands.

2009-10-23T23:39:00.000-07:00

Daddy promised me and sister to take us to somewhere to shop. But it's nearly three now and we're still at home. :( Instead,i'm updating my blog and thinkin' what should i do. Umm it's been two days since i had a proper meal. Emotional disorder? Err not really. No appetite. I had toast and bandung before i went to bed last night. Spent the whole night watching Upin & Ipin after Arif dozed off. The only possible thing i could watch at 2 am in the morning. Pathetic. This reminds me to rent some DVDs before the holidays are over! I'm far too lazy to even get myself food. Yes,that lazy :S Woke up with drenched pillows. It has always been that way. No doubt tonight's gonna be a long night too. Hopefully not.

Yesterday have been fine. I had school in the morning. Talked bitch talk bitch laugh and laugh with best girlfriend in the hall. She slept halfway. What the heck,i wonder how she does it. It's so hot! Ehem, i did the same thing few weeks ago too actually. Heh it was during the teacher's day celebration and sports day. When i got up, there were only Sharifah beside me and Fareez behind. The rest went back home halfway. Semangat! & for the first time,i didn't have anything for recess. Heh anyway after school i went back home straight and slept till four. Bathed and webcam,chatted with Arif till after midnight. He was happy, im not sure why. I'm happy that he is. He looks so cute while trying to make faces with food in his mouth. Yes, you handsome semalam b. :) But he bullied me, as usual, a lot last night. One of them is...

...meanie. Ahh but i know no matter how bad this boy is to me,i'm sure he's the only one who can love me this much. I don't think there's anyone else who would run through the rain at 9pm from tampines to seng kang just to apologize. Awww i miss you already. :'( I need a hug. Shit.

I woke up early this morning,wanted to sleep back but ended up watching Jangan pandang belakang congkak instead. I felt very angry,dont know to who or regarding what. I just felt very very angry. I don't wanna be angry:( I want to be happy man, what should i do? Now i feel like eating Pretzels with caramel sauce. Yum yum. Or even Cavana. Heh which remind me of a bitch who forced me to eat Carona few years ago. Wtf i was right when my gut feelings said it wasn't halal. Sheesh i hate that girl. Everybody else does too! ^^,)

& oh,i suddenly thought of the Polaroid camera. I WANT TO GET THAT THING RIGHTTT NOWWWWW.

Okay dad's up and i gotta go get ready. Toodles!

All time favourite girl

2009-10-23T06:36:00.000-07:00

Happy birthday sweetheart. I love you so much. Though some times i may cause your vein to stop the blood from flowing, you know i still appreciate having a friend like you. No no,Baya can't replace you. But Arif can. HAHAHHA! Thanks for guiding me through the right path all these while. You're the sweetest! I know you're gonna get a cake tomorrow AND I WANT A CAKE TOOOO. Grrrr! & I know youre angry. But i'll pay up my debts i have with you soon okay. Dengan bunga dia sekali aku bayar. Hoho! Chin Chia Po Ah loves you!! Teeheeeee! :)

This i swear.

2009-10-18T04:48:00.000-07:00

It's you,I love.

Dear Master,

2009-10-17T19:55:00.001-07:00

Saturday was well spent with my sister,Nurul Huda who bought a lot of things for me. :) We didn't plan to buy anything but instead,we did. End up we bought a lot of unnecessary amenities for ourselves. I went around to survey some nice gifts for someone,but nothing catches my eye. Maybe i'll make something,would it be more thoughtful? Anyhoo it's 8 days away & i still have time to make up my mind. I don't want something very costly,don't want something very big. Why am i wasting time thinking 'bout some faggot's birthday anyway?

Moving on.

So me and sis went into Cotton On yesterday.I was very unsure cause i know Cotton On's cutting is very very small. But to my surprise.. When i got there,all the sizes that i picked were really big. :\ And i told my sister this.

Me:I thought i was the fat-est around here..
Hud: If you're fat then what's ____?!

HAHA! Yes,i cannot believe my angelic sister said that to me yesterday. Nasib he never hear you know. _____ is actually one of my old friend who i've not been contacting for a long time. He use to work there. Hohoho meanie us. In the end, i just bought some shoes and a Jacket.My sister bought her shoe too. I took out 39, and remembered something.. Got home and look through my shoe rack and saw a same shoe (only diff is it's in silver,not black) but sized 40. That,was Rully's gift for my 15th bday. Awww, thanks luv.:) But still,i couldn't fit into it. I'm very sorry! Will wear it probably next year okay? Thanks anyway,you're such a nice friend (sometimes)! Hee :B

I got so bored last night cause Arif were busy and so is everybody else. Botak was online and bored too, so he thought that maybe we could kill this boredom by asking some random questions. One of the questions really made me tear a little. And he even said "jahat eh kite dulu.." :( I'm sure mum remembers it till now. Though there's nothing i can do about it anymore, i hope she forgives all the little sins that i've done. I am sososososososo sorry mummeh. & thanks for the company that made me sleep infront of the lappy till 1 am. Hah,thanks Yazid!

I have a comppo that i've yet to complete and i'm sooooo lazy! I just got back from Pasar & i'm so tired. Carrying a bottle of cooking oil with tilted head isn't that easy. I don't like the idea of waking up to another day thinking 'bout how many things that i have to do. I know i'm a procrastinator bigtime. I hate that. How i wish i'm thinner. Booohoooooooo.

I hope today's gonna be a lovely sunday. No school till wednesday. Yayness ^^,)
& here's a little something for the apple of my eye.

Do you remember 4th May 2009?

Muhammad Arif. Thank you for being there for me. Day and night without fail. Im touch by the way you wasted your five cents in the middle of the night just to ask me whether im able to sleep or not. It's really sweet of you master. If it's wasn't for you,i wouldn't be sitting here in my bed updating my blog.I would probably still be sitting around the corner,blaming myself for everything that has happened. Through all these little things you've said to me, im starting to realize there's more to life apart from love. There's more people out there that deserves my smiles and laughters. I don't think it's fair for them if i continue to be moody and ignore them,just because i'm sad. That is selfish. Even if i cant bring joy to you or make you smile very widely,i can at least be nice and not rude. I am sorry if im rude to you at any point of time. I remembered me replying you in a very negative manner when you actually want to make me feel better. That is extreme cruelty, I am really sorry. =\ I wanna stop shouting and make this life meaningful. It's funny how i regretted rejecting your calls when i actually have the urge of answering it and talk to you. Hoping that i could put all these things aside and just be fine. For you. I could have talked about some other thing apart from my problems. Youve never told me anything that bothers you. It must be nice to live a life without problems isnt it? It must be nice to go home everyday,seeing two little angels playing around the hall. I wish i have a junior to make me laugh everyday. But since i dont have any. I 'll just have to accept the fact that Allah has sent you to draw a smile on my face. And im thankful. Thank you Allah. Thank you Arif.

(I'm sure i had a crush on you at that point of time. Teeheeeeeee, love you MASTER!)

Okay i'm off! To bed. Heheheheh :)

Dear Master,

2009-10-17T06:02:00.001-07:00

Here's my once in a blue moon eyes.

Anywhere but here.

2009-10-15T21:24:00.001-07:00

I listened to Josh Kelley before i went to bed last night. It wasn't really a pleasant night cause i just blewed the chance of talking to Arif. Reason being, there was something wrong with my phone which pisses me off. So we ended up texting while he falling asleep. My eyes were glued on the Simple Life & ears with Josh Kelley. "When there's no one there to dry your tears. I could hold you for a million years,to make you feel my love.." I teared a little thinking 'bout where i went wrong that night. I didn't talk much, wasting his prepaid. I know ive apologized endlessly before, but i'm still not quite sure on what happened to me yesterday. I love the feeling of lying down, with this uneasy feeling and listening to someone who keeps apologizing for nothing. It felt good. Always have,always will. & I knew one of the reason is i missed him a lot last night. Eventhough at that point of time,it was only 24 hours since i met him! Hohoho :)

Anyhoo,I cried myself to sleep and woke up to the sound of vibration of my phone. Cuddled in bed for awhile & read those texts. I was really in need of big,tight,warm hugs. & Arif decided to ditched his lessons just to meet me. Awww i got out of bed, bathed and prepared some breakfast. I sat down and thought, maybe this is the guy that i've been waiting for? I scrolled down my inbox and read all those sweet texts he sent me. I was sure that Arif's not the person whom i wanna let go easily. & i wont. :) I went to meet him soon after that & i got back my smiles. It has always been like that, however sad i may be, i would still smile and laugh whenever i'm with him. He is indeed my sunshine. I didn't wanna part at all. But we had to. :( And now... It's been 150 minutes since then. I want to be with Arif again! But it's okay. Mum will be bringing me out to have LJS together. Yay like finally ^^,) Sister will be coming home with Spinelli's scones too. I can see a great day ahead. I hope Arif's gonna be a great help in making my day to a good one. I love you baby.

I dont want it anymore

2009-10-15T00:38:00.000-07:00

I really wish i could forget everything. I saw those words on fb,and i felt very unsure. Heart broken? Yes. Do you know that i havent been blaming you for the things and hurt you have caused? It's not about the feelings anymore. It's been a long time since i thought about you. I was okay. Happily in love. Till you have to linger around & spoil everything. Why D? Even now i still feel that i shouldn't plubicize your name. Spill the beans,i don't care anymore. God knows everything. & i care more about what he thinks of me,rather than the others. I'm sure i made a good choice rejecting you. Again,i am sorry. If i have cause any unhappiness to you and the people around you.

151st Post.

2009-10-13T07:54:00.000-07:00

This picture was taken last Saturday. Fifteen minutes before a cried a river. Apiz were saying something like "kenape kakak fatin tak ikut...?" Mmmmm though i felt bad because i didn't follow him that night,i somehow feel that there's a need for me to stay at home. It saddens me how he's not here with me now. Every time he's here with me,something MUST pop out and i will have to spend some time on the phone instead of playing with him.. Sigh, i'll make up to you someday. The apple of my eye :)

Note to self: I'm gonna give Sharifah & Lynn a big hug tomorrow! :B Can i? I'm sure gonna get a smack down from Sharifah tomorrow. Heeeheeeheeeeeeeee.

I had a small argument with her earlier. I think she's just plain jealous because i like B's picture,and not her picture. I mean, i dk what you have against her. But she's nice as a person. Really. Hoho. Man,i'm jealous too you know? Whenever we have pair works in class. You will AUTOMATICALLY TURN BACK & ASK HER TO PAIR UP WITH YOUR INSTEAD. Hmph. I'm just waiting for you to have a boyfriend fek. So that i can steal his picture and put it as my dp! Nope,i change my mind. I don't wanna lose mine. :) It was lucky for you cause bibir biru or NA wasn't online at that point of time. If not... NEXTTTT! Hahahah and i even made her promise me ample of times just now. Reason being, she always (with the wings) absent from school. Yet,scores the highest. Tell me your secret will ya?

Alex just went offline. He've been asking me. Why are girls so emotional? Haha! Cute little curious boy. I don't know,but i'm sure i am one. I can cry even when Sharifah send me those little notes on facebook. Heehee. Or even "sorry" post-it(s). I'm sure gonna miss this if i were to go ITE next year. Nooooo :(

What did i do today? Basically i just slept,bathe,eat,chat,teevee. That's all. I woke up at around 12 today. I watched my all time favourite Malay Drama,had breakfast,watch another Hindi Movie, slept back, woke up, bathe, msn,teeeveee, & now.. CSI with sweetest boy at the other end, whining on how sleepy he is. Hoho. Sister brought back Spinelli's Cheesecakes when she got back from work! Yummy ^^ I had pretzels last night and cheesecakes for today. Life's good. :B Wonder what should i get for tomorrow. I may be having KFC tomorrow afternoon and i want Spinelli's lemon scones. & can anyone buy me LJS for tomorrow? I want it so badly. =\ Lynn! Yok? Hehhhh I can't wait to meet them tomorrow. I'm sure Emmy's gonna go MIA for the next two months. Haha!

Twelve am sharp. Mari tdo yokkkk~

Friends forever.

2009-10-12T08:30:00.000-07:00

It's 1130 now and everybody just went offline. >:(

I got over and done with N levels just now. Everybody was like throwing vulgars to each other in the hall. Excited huh. I was too. But was rather sleepy cause the fan was placed right infront of my face. I couldn't concerntrate much on the paper. Was controlling the skirt instead. Lol.

I somehow think that this year have been a very memorable year for me and my form class (& the others too). I mean,look how close we are now to each other. How me and ZX beat each other up every single day. How me and Hui Ping kiss each other's cheeks every morning. How Hosni taught me Math. How Rully shared with me about every single girl he's seeing. How Farhan... er i dont wanna say. How Sidek comfort me when i got to know that his gf and mine knew each other. I really needed that at that point of time. He was there, thanks. How Lynn and I got really closer. I went speechless whenever i hear she say "lame tak pimpin kau & nana together" Awwww :'( How me and Qaqa spent our malay lesson talking bout our significant other. How Mon gave me riddles while i was crying at the other end.

Ajan was there for me all along when Sikh ditched me. He told me the cold hard truth, he broke my heart but still, we was there wiping my tears. How he told me to let everything go. How he told me that "pape,kau picit je. aku mesti reply nye". Sharifah,the best girlfriend ever. I can't find the right words to describe the kind of feeling i feel whenever i'm with you. You're very kind to me fek. I just feel that i won't be able to have a better friend in the future. I hope that i can get into sec five next year so that we will all be in the same class again. I love you all,a lot lot lot. :)

Hosni once told me that he don't wanna end secondary school life. Yea.. me too. Unfortunately time is catching up with us. We can't get rid of it. I worry that we will not meet again next year. I still hope that you guys would remember me as much as i would remember you. Sec 1 & 2 was a rough year for me. Still when i got into sec 3,everything seems to be perfect. All because the classmates were better. & i thank god for that. :B Sec four was relatively the best. I started off the year with a heartbreak, but it took me a day to nurse this heart of mine. Just because Sharifah & ZX was there. Tissues.. i still remember. Thanks for everything balls. Cina punya! ^^

I hope that we're all gonna be in the same class again next year. I really hope so. I don't wanna go ITE,please. Not now.

It's already 1230 am right now. & I misssssss Arif. Goodnight.

Pink roses.

2009-10-12T04:28:00.000-07:00

You know what. I cried my lungs out when i saw this happened to my rose. It's only one day old yet it's wiltering already. No,it's not even wiltering, the petals drops off by itself. I changed the water this morning. Where did i go wrong? Mum said there's different types of roses. But still.... why in the world do they sell these roses so expensively when they know that the petals are gonna fall off any time soon. I swear i hate that place. For wasting A's money on these kind of roses. I'm so, dissapointed. Because it blooms very nicely. In fact,it's the nicest rose i've ever gotten from him. But it had to go so soon.. I'm so sorry baby. I'm sorry that you lost your job too. I love you a lot. :(

When it rains in your bedroom..

2009-08-08T11:38:00.000-07:00

You are my sunshine,my only sunshine.
You make me happy,when skies are grey.
You never know dear,how much i love you.
Please don't take my sunshine away..

Something i thought about this year..

I wonder how does it feels like to think about your past in the middle of the night,suddenly get all blue just because of it. When you already have someone who's falling for you,but then you tend to push them away just because of your insecurity. You still think about your ex and somehow, it irritates your new other. Which will then lead to a fight,and a separation. Why do people have to think about their ex when they have a new partner? It's unfair. I suggest you get a grip of yourself,stop paying such a lip service and shut the hell up. Before she leaves you,for someone who's nicer,sweeter and someone who's over and done with his ex. Such things happens,you said you're over them,still,you feel it pinching once in a while. Still. But when your ex comes back to you,you don't want her back. So what's the point of bragging about your ex? Remember,even if she ever says that you're the nicest amongst all,it doesn't mean that you're the nicest in the whole wide world. It simply means that you're the nicest among everyone that she ever knew. She's growing and she might just bump into someone in the bus whose really attractive looking and so much nicer than you are. Something to ponder about.

Bottom line is: Get over your old flame.

Nothing better than a good lie

2009-08-08T00:13:00.000-07:00

I'm so addicted that song already. BCL (L) It's half an hour to four. Lambatnyaaaa. Don't know what i'm waiting for also. Hohoho. A lot of people ask me something in school today. "Fatin,why you cry the other day?" And i just replied "ask ajan ah" Hahaha pity my middle man. But i don't know why i don't feel like telling people. I have the urge of telling my mum but urgh,i don't know. She'll scream anyway. I'm alright now,so it's okay.:] I went to school this morning. Though it's a Saturdayyyy. D: The moment i went in class,i grabbed a lappy and start MSN-ing! Talking to bumblebee have been always the best way to start off my day. And end the day too ^^.) the last voice i listen to before i go to bed and the first text i wake up to.. And oh! I just remembered i had some daging :S before i went to bed last night. Was too hungry laaah. All i could remember was, i was dozing off watching Tinman and then my hand started to vibrate. It was my phone! " okay okay,no tsk." Lol bumblebee so cuteeeeeeeeeee lah :D I'm a happy+irritated girl today. Hosni called me a swollen swine face. What the hell? Hosni Tjr so cruel. :\ And guess what? I sat on his pink coloured paper. HAHAHAH!!! He's so angry with me till he called me a shorty. Am i short? :S Okay lah kasi chance. But he was shorter than me when he was in sec two. I swear.A lot of things happened back then. "Those were the days" *role eyes*

XY wore a headband today. So kiyut. Haha!! I love her lah :D But i didn't make her monitor my MSN today. Simply cause nobody was talking to me. So i gave the internet cable to ajan instead.I taught him how to use Tagged. Selenge tul. He has 22 pending friend request that he refused to accept at first. But after checking out those chickies' pictures,mejadi jadi. Lol anyways i managed to finish up my first and half of my second presentation board. Enough done already lah,im so lazy with school. I want to quit can? :(

You aint here to partay.

2009-08-07T03:35:00.000-07:00

I will smile from ear to ear whenever i think bout this... :]

School have been fine so far. Started off with prelims and ended the week with completion of my folio. Yayness! :] Just a little more touching up on my Presentation board and i'm done with d&t for the year. Time to drill myself on math already. Working for an A now. I hope i can at least get three As for N level. Ceh,macam paaah..

Anyhoos,i encountered a little sweetalk by this guy from opposite class during the cannot-tahan-mendak concert today. And it went like this..

Him: ____ pretty ah?
Me: okay lah. she pretty to you uh?
Him: Aiyer. no leh. you know what pretty is?
Me: Nope?
Him: dont know? siao. you look into the mirror then you'll know what pretty is. Grinz*

**
*Flipping through school mag*
Him: what are you reading?
Me: this thing ah.
Him: you know what's the hardest thing to read?
Me: what? newspaper?
Him: nope. you. i wish there's a dictionary that explains you..

**
Him: what does alphabets start with?
Me: ABC.
Him: what does numbers start with?
Me: 123.
Him: what does love start with?
Me: uh?
Him: starts off with U,ends of with ME.

Eeeeenough. And i saw d looking towards my direction while i was talking to this guy. Whatever can? Ira and Ana also. Nothing better to do issit? Lol,i dont know why these days ive been getting seats that is directly facing either pyscho or keling. It's so irrirating coz' i hate them. I agree with XiuYing. Her words are true. Really. I logged into MSN today and i'm sure she was irritated with me. I made her monitor my MSN. Whenever arif replies me,she will go like "fateeeennnn.. he got reply" AND THERE WAS THIS TIME WHERE SHE'S SO SHIOK WITH HER MAHJONG TILL SHE NEVER TELL ME! Custard. She's building her guts now. A little by little... Fek and Rully should know this part. :O

There's no mendaki tomorrow. Yayyyyyyyyyyy :] That means i'm able to go for d&t tomorrow and finish my Presentation Board. I'm gonna do my contextual drawing now. Don't think so actually. Haha! Couldn't take my mind off s_skush@hotmail. com HAHA!!!! kk she's gonna kill me tomorrow coz the whole world is teasing her about this. Haha!! And oh! I went to LJS with Lynn baby today! :D Never thought i would coz it's been a long time since i really got to sit down and bitch with her. Hohooooo. Rumours are saying that we're gonna get back our O level MT results next week. Is it true..? :\ Wish me luck. Cause i think i flunk paper one. Why wouldn't i? My phone was practically vibrating throughout the paper. Blame keling.

I'm blasting my headphones with Exists now. Just because she's calling out my name repeatedly. Ok bye.

Dear sikh lover,

2009-08-02T06:32:00.000-07:00

ANGRY FRUSTRATION HATE LOVE CARE

KCUF. I HATE YOU YOU YOU YOU YOU YOU. YOU SHOULD BE DEAD NOW CAUSE YOU BROKE YOUR PROMISE YOU SCUMBAG. YOU,YOURSELF INSISTED THAT YOU WOULD KILL YOURSELF IF YOU BREAK THIS VERY PROMISE OF YOURS. NOW ITS YOUR TURN TO END YOUR LIFE. GO AND JUMP DOWN NOW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

heh. suke? Ilike.

Here means i'll never love again. <3

2009-07-31T22:21:00.000-07:00

Jepang says i look cute here. And she ask me if i would be her lesby partner. Haha,wth?! I think i look like some indonesian maid lor. Hurhur :B

In a dim lighted room,fan focused on me,music blasting through my ears, and chatting with the sweetest bumblebee on MSN ^^. This is so LG! And it's been two days since i quarreled with him! Yay arif.:]

But unfortunately,my days aren't usually pur-fect. There's always gonna be this one moment whereby i'm feeling really down. As for today,it was the 30 minute chat with Ajan. Though its devastating and heartbreaking,i'm thankful that he let everything out today. I'm impressed with how he told me everything about his best buddy (that he've been friends with for a very long time,compared to with me) just to save this vulnerable classmate of his. I don't know if that chat gonna ruin their friendship anytime soon. I hope not.. :\ I'm trying my real best to do everything that i could just to make myself feel better. Everybody around me is sucha sweetheart cause they're trying to make me feel better. And i think it's time for me to play my part too. Let's recall back the things that my lovelies did that really made laugh and smile.

Rully singing Big girls don't cry really loudly from fourth floor all the way to the 2nd! Sharifah making fun of people who can't pronounce our country's name properly.Alex wiping my tears with his smelly towel. And punching me too. :)Hui Ping kissing my cheeks! Liping&Angie shouted “awww fatttiiinn! Don't cry lehh. *poking their own cheeks*” Ajan said “jaga satu kandang full of anak babi lagi senang daripada jage satu anak dara” HEH! Siti came up to me and asked me a few questions about d&t. (Awwwwwwwwness!) Ms Kwok gave me a jigsaw puzzle! Yay :B My mum and sister keep questioning me about what happened that moved me a lot. Arif chatting with me till late nights that made me feel a lot better. =)

11 people that really made me smile a lottt. Wait sorry, lerd lerd. Haha! I'm putting all my revisions and d&t folio aside tonight.. I wanna spend my night chatting with lovelies and enjoy myself with little entertainments on youtube. I guess i'm gonna give Mendaki class a miss tomorrow. I'm gonna attend my own school to work on my folio and presentation board. I hope i can complete at least my folio tomorrow itself. Really,i need to finish it up. I will then touch up on my product,complete my presentation board and i'm off for submission. At least an A1 please? Heh!

Preliminary exams in on from this Wednesday onwards. Coughs* I'm still thinking on what to do on that day. Maybe i should just abort the idea of wishing. Yea i should. For everything that you've done,you deserve nothing but humiliation. I'm not gonna be nice anymore.

Anyhoooo... I have a wedding to attend tomorrow! Yaynesss,makan makan makan. :B I'm gonna tuck in bed now and hope that tomorrow's gonna be a better day. Goodnight people!

Almost lovers.

2009-07-31T03:59:00.000-07:00

I think i need some time alone.

Goodbye my almost lover.

2009-07-31T03:54:00.001-07:00

School started out fun. Usual laughters with best best friend,Sharifah :) Social Studies was super fun too. Alex pinched my cheeks till i couldn't speak. Liping wanted to helped me out BY PINCHING MY HAND. Wth? She's so cute lor. And she slapped Alex cause he wanted to cut off my ponytail. Attempt fail! Haha! After social studies was chemistry.... :'(

That 30 minutes of Chemistry was the most heartbreaking part of the day. 30 minutes of silence and tears rolling down my cheeks non-stop. Ajan pulled his table nearer to mine so that we could talk. I wasn't in the mood at that very moment. So he asked me,what's wrong. And i told him the whole story. What happened and how it all ended. And he got a little mad :( Who doesn't? Eventhough the person who caused me all these pain is his own best buddy,he's a little disgusted when he heard about what happened. He told me a few secrets about that bangla. How he badmouthed about me. How he said i'm not worth it. I couldn't believe my own ears. He was such a sweet boy,how come he changed into such a brat? I couldn't take it anymore so i burst into tears with all my energy out. You know, “tersedu-sedan”.. Really. I was really heartbroken for everything bangla said. I never thought he would betray me till this extend. “Use and throw away”. Hmm.. :\ I'm thankful for the consciousness and the brains that god gave me. If it wasn't for my fantastic brain and heart,im sure bangla has gotten his glory for ruining me. Don't wanna elaborate more. After that was MT. We watched Laskar Pelangi. I cried through the movie cause it's a lil sad. Recess was devastating. His body,close to mine. His eyes glued on me. That was unnecessary. He must be wondering why didn't i return a smile like i usually do. Reason is,i don't wanna be nice anymore. I don't wanna be nice. Everything was fine during CME. I was a little sad when AngLiping and Angie said “Fatin!! Don't cry! Hehehehehe” *poking their own cheeks* Cute right? Sigh. That's it,i wanna be like AngLiping from now onwards. My classmates should know something really unique bout that girl. :] I spent two hours sitting alone thinking about everything that has happened to me this year. It's too much already. I'm giving everything up. Now,all i have to do is study study study.

Anyways,i guess i'll be giving Mendaki a miss tomorrow. Gotta come back to my own school to work on my folio and presentation board. I have a lottt to do. I'm doing some math now. Till then! :B

Those were the days.

2009-07-29T04:04:00.000-07:00

Ever wonder how i look like at 1AM? All worn and stressed out with school works. Half heartedly doing d&t and wishing that i could just pack everything up and just tuck myself in bed. Ha-ha,i can't explain how tired i look last night. While looking at myself in the mirror while brushing my teeth,i recalled back all the things that i did this week.

1)Irritating classmates with my high pitched voice and laughters.
2)Eating less and drinking less than usual.
3)Endless arguments with Muhd Arif which made me really sad yesterday. >:(
4)Laughters and random-ness with Sharifah in school the whole of this week.
5)Spitting on innocent peoples' heads/hands.
6)Ample of d&t unfinished business.
7)Punching Alex with all my energy and gaining “knowledge” from Ajan.
8)Congratulating everyone else's anniversary and ignoring my past's.
9)Practice excessive math questions till it drives me mad.
10)Reminiscing the past with Taufiq.

Number ten was exceptional. I don't get it why do we have to exchange messages through Tagged when we're already in each other's MSN. Maybe we're shy. I'm not sure about him but i am. I use to be very close to him. We use to go to school every morning together,use to spend every afternoon together. Use to sneak out quietly out of class just to meet for a tiny winy while. Use to hop on those wacky bicycles and cycle our way to Punggol End and spend the rest of the day there. One of the best memories i must say. We were so little back then! I was thirteen and he was fourteen. And look,he's 1.8m now and still growing. I was shocked when i saw him few months back nearby my house. I swear i had grasshoppers in my stomach cause this boy here is looking damn hot. He changed a lot. From short school uniform pants to long ITE black pants. See how fast time pass by. And oh! Do you remember the part when my mum scolded you for taking me out for such long hours? And your mum scolded me too? :\ That was one of a experience. Your mum shouting at me. You were so scared at that point of time. Still can't forget the look on your face. Well taufiq,if you're reading this. I had fun being friends with you three years back. It's been a long time since we last met and talked. I hope you're still the sweet taufiq i knew when i was in sec one. You're one of my best memory. You're one of my best buddies back then. And you still are.

I use to send this to him: Ie miSh yOo.. (:

So much memories,down the drain.

2009-07-23T23:24:00.000-07:00

"There is no reason to cry anymore,just take this as a lesson. Watch who you're falling in love with"

I broke down during character development lesson today. Dang,i know i shouldn't. But when Ajan,ZhiXiang,Huiping and Sharifah gathered around me,i felt much sadder. They comforted me with group hugs and kisses but still,this feeling still lingers. It's definitely not about the feeling between us anymore. It's about pride and self respect. It's about how i go speechless everytime i our eyes met. I'm speechless cause i can't say the words i want to say anymore. It's not difficult for me to find a replacement, not promoting self praising flour but really,i know i deserve someone better. But it's damn hard for me to pretend not knowing that i've once loved you with all my heart. And i have to go through every single day of walking pass you,with you and your winking smile. You're happy,because you've succeeded in ripping a girl's heart without paying any price. I'm disgusted. I thought you're a very nice guy. You really look like one. But still.. :\

It's not possible to make up to me anymore. Just forget it. Ive given you 4 chances,given you all brand new me all these times. But how many times have you broke this heart of mine? Infinity. I don't think there's any other girl who is as dumb as me,to think that someone who has hurt her the most wont hurt her again. I'll forget you and fall in love again eventually. It's gonna be easy. It's gonna be easy fatin. He's at loss,not you. Cause you,yourself know that no one will ever love you like the way i did few months back,boy. I need peace. I hope i can concerntrate on my Prelims and N's. Please god,give me the strength to carry on..

A girl you can't impress.

2009-07-21T22:53:00.000-07:00

Highlights of the day: Alex falling down in class, Gayboy is really gay and flying kisses!

As usual,i woke up this morning with that very very grumpy mood and just dragged myself in to the shower. I checked my phone and hell,i saw four or five messages. I swear i couldn't recall anything. Except for the part whereby Hosni texted me saying that he went for night classes. That's all. And i saw a very very very very very long message from one of my school mate. AND I CAN'T OPEN ITTTT. Just because it's too long. This is not acceptable at all! So what if the message is too long? What if it's something realy really realllyyyy important? Hmph,not fair at all. Sorry Khairi. >:(

Aha! Back to the first highlight of the day. Alex insisted that i should blog about this incident. Hoho. I was being the usual fatin that i am,that is to drop things very easily and unnecessarily. I dropped my cute little sharpener. And this little hang-sum (brat,heh!) china man here,trying to act a little cute and sweet, reached out his hands as far as possible just to reached for my sharpener. And bam! He fell. It was really an ugly sight i tell you. He was sitting in a very odd position on his chair,thats why he fell i guess. Luckily nobody saw the way you fell like how i did,if not,confirm malu right~ Hahah, and he thought me how to do math for the first time! But during the test just now,i didn't know how to do the nth term,and 100 term. Tomorrow must let me copy ah. :B And and and, i asked mum to cook today's breakfast a little bit more today so that i can give him since he's always very very hungry every single morning. Everyday also luncheon meat. I wonder if he ever gets sick and tired of the same old breakfast every single day. But it smells nice! Lucky not halal,if not,i steal already. You know i love food more than anything else in the world right? Haha! And he imitated me yesterday with Sidek. Irritatingly said “mak,aku nak mandi ah. Panas ah” with a very deep-manly voice. Haha! Custard,i don't sound like that at home okay. I sound very sweet and cute. Don't believe go and ask Mr Man! Im sure he'll say “she's a very good girl with a very humorous yet cute tone of voice at home.” Haha, well Lexy, i gotta thank you cause you've been there for me all these while. Never fail to bring an angry expression to my face. Eh no lah,never fail to bring a smile to my face. Teeheee, he've always made me feel better cause cause cause cause.. he's the only punching bag i have now. And everytime i punch him,i feel better cause it allows me to tame my anger. Seriously, but i will get irritated whenever he start singing that Kantoi song. “Semalam i call you,you tak answer. You kate you keluar pegi dinner...” Or even “Somebody saveeeee meeeeeee...” That's all he ever know. Tsks,check your facebook wall for more lyrics ok. Thanks.

“Moving on...” A very strong word for some of us in the class. Couples sulking,Xiu Ying taking temperature standing up,rockstar singing his broken heart out. And of course,my best girl friend, mending her broken heart. Sigh,it really kills me to see you in that very saddening condition. I know it's hard for you to accept the fact that your beloved is actually in love with the same sex. I am really sorry fek. I knew it long long time ago,but i guess love has made you blind. So blind till you can't see that your boyfriend acts like a bapok once in awhile. Eh no,everytime. :\ I am really sorry baby. I hope i can find you someone like him soon. I will okay. I promise. Just give me the characteristics. You want someone who is very loyal to religion, soft on both inside and outside, close to bald, chatterbox mouthed, and a little bit of mischievous? And not to mention, your favourite type of texting, S P A C E S B E T W E E N P U N C T U A T I O N . Mau? I will find one for you okay. Time to put my love life on hold and concentrate on studies and fek's love life now. [..She's gonna give me a serious face-spanking after reading this. Heheh! ^^) ]

And i laughed a lot in canteen today. I was enjoying myself untill the part where me and D made an 10 seconds eye contact. You should be dead by now,remember? Tsks, you broke your promise! Every single one of it. “i will love you all my life..” and “i won't take you for granted” and even the most recent one “we'll stay as good friends. And i will talk to you everyday. If i don't,i'm not a guy. And i can jump down from 17th storey of this block” Remember that? So why are you still alive? As far as i know,you're still healthy, spending time with your friends,laughing around and doing that happy-go-lucky act. But it's okay,i'm a very nice girl with a very big big big heart. I forgive you now, i'll just treat you like another impotent guy who's a red neck,heart breaker,life ruiner,brain wrecker and many many more. And actually, i love you. For waking me up and making me stronger than ever. You're the reason why i'm very happy now. You know i'm much wiser than the fool i was before. Because of you. So thank you,for being there and eating chunks of my heart away. I wont build this wall of negativity between you and me. You just wont get to trick this heart in to falling for you and your hairy hands again. You can keep your tongue in other poor little girl's mouth aye? And maybe you should work on your flirting skills, cause it's not convincing and working at all. I'll talk to you once in a while,and if i do,you can seek for further advice on these things. You know i'm very good at these things. =D

It's already 2:50 pm right now. And Sharifah just went “wanna meet?” Haha,sure thang honey. See you in 50 minutes time. :B Good luck for your malay o level listening compre aye? I know you're gonna say the same thing to me. So in advance,thanks. Heh! Seeee yaaaaa.

MT O Level Listening Comprehension in 1 Hour time. I haven't bathe and eat yet. Gotta go makan now. MAKANNN!! :D

I love you,no?

2009-07-21T00:47:00.000-07:00

There's something that you and me have in common...

Alex punched me this morning cause he said that i was being too soft hearted. I'm being too nice with all the wrong people. Yes,i agree with him. Sharifah said i should go on with life and just ditch the people who doesn't deserve my kindness. Yes,i agree with her too. Ive convinced the world that i don't need him in my life and he's just another son of a bitch. Now,all i have to do is to convince myself. I've been in this situation before and i know im capable enough to erase the thought of being with that indian fella. I was strong enough to delete his contact on msn,phone and tagged. Ive bitched about him with my friends telling them how bad he was. But why am i still crying inside everytime you look at me? Why am i still having this feeling inside every time you did that mate-terkehel-sikit look? You and me,never compatible. Need prove? We'll fight over food someday cause you and i both love to eat. You love blue,i don't. You smoke,i don't like people smoking. You're addicted to piercings,i get turned off with guys who loves piercing. You're the philanderer type,i'm the loyal one. You're as good as a free thinker,i get attracted to those who's loyal to their religion. There's more baby. But you wont wanna hear it all from me. Think about it yourself. I don't love you anymore. I just need the strength to stop hoping. What am i hoping for? I am not sure. Though you're sucha scumbag to me, those two hours you spent with me yesterday was one of the best moments of my life. You made me so happy in such short period of time. Why are you so good?

....we both love to injure our legs once in awhile. ^^

Baby you're never alone

2009-07-18T10:53:00.000-07:00

My mum just screamed,asking me to sleep. My sister passed her driving test and is now officially qualified to send me to school every single day. Arif just went "you go finish up all the food ah. Lipas sume you pegi makan" Billy is having red heart shaped icons on his eyeballs. Muhd K. just confessed his love/long-term crush to my best girlfriend. Arewiz and Liani just turned 42 months. Zubir ended his white lies and feeling guilty-less. Adriana Lima is having a baby. Everyone's happy. I am happy too. I wanna thank Allah for giving this day. Without having any unnecessary anger within me. Without resentment. Without sorrows and sadness. Just smiles. Life's good baby. Everybody made my day. Everybody..(:

And of course. Happy equals to food equals to fat equals to unglam. Seriously,i can't take it anymore. I've been munching on every single thing that is edible in my house. From rice to tidbits. Help me :( Azrul suggested that i should wake up super early tomorrow and go for a morning exercise. :S That is so fear factor manzx. No no,abort that idea. Just cutting down of food will do. :B I can barely stand an hour without eating something. Ade je tau nak kunyah ni budak. But whatever,mumsie said.. "kurus ke gemuk,i tetap sayang you" Awwwwwwwwwwww, I'm sure no one would ever love me that much. And Y just went "eh,you fat already ah?" Bluergh,sucha ass you know? No matter how many times Delwinder and Sharifah remind me that i'm not fat,i still think i am. Booohooo D:

I'm yawwwwning already. Okay bye bye~

...i know I made a lot of stupid mistakes in my life, but the worst one was thinking the person who hurt me the most wouldn't hurt me again.

Sometimes goodbye is a second chance

2009-07-18T00:05:00.001-07:00

Thought i'd do a proper update today. Yesterday's post is a little half heartedly written because i was tired. I had to turn in at 11 plus last night eventhough it was a friday night. I was super worn out cause ive been spending all my brain cells entirely all on d&t alone. I hope everything would be paid off when december comes. I can't wait!

Before i forgot,i wanna apologize to lily cause i didn't pick up her calls yesterday. I seriously can't hear the beeping sound when i was on the phone with another person. Sorry :C I was so shocked when i saw eight miss calls from her the moment i put down the phone with Arif. I felt a little bad so i called her up,and as expected,she rejected. So i left her with an apology text which she refused to reply and went off to have a shower. And when ive finished,she replied "sorry,aku tertido tadi. hehe" Haha buat suspensssss je! :B Lupppp you babesssssss.

I was chatting with both D's few days back. Keling kelingggg. Seeeeeeeee. Me and dear Dela have two same shirts! Hidup mati Mango and Levi's kay babe? HAH when we first got to know each other,which was a year (or more) back,we planned something really stupid. Haha me,you and the others(don't know who) running around McRitchie looking for shirts. Remember that?! Haaha! And you know what b,i'm still craving for that print screen of the testimonials we sent kyerie. HAHA. This babe had me doing a lot of nonsensical things. But i had fun ^^)

And my lovelies have been wondering what pongs is. Pongs is just how pronounce the word 'pun'. Heh pongs pongssssss your head lah fatin. Tsks.

I had Mendaki today at Greenview. Suddenly i felt my skirt's a little light today. Weird :S My skirt use to weigh 10kg you know. Haha and one of the tutors are sooo hot hot heat. He's like one of the most good looking men ive ever seen in his island. *meltzx* Shaza didn't came today,so no bitching partner. Where'd you go? I miss you sooo. It's been near to two months since i saw that cute little girl. Haha see you soon okay! Anyhoo, mendaki session today wasn't quite that bad. I was engross in math and suddenly so sleepy during Chemistry. Wth,i don't like you chemmy.

I'm watching Vasantham(heh) in half an hour time. Gotta feeling that today's movie is not gonna be that fun. It's about a gangster falling in love with Amrita Rao? :\ Wtv,gonna go study now. Toodles!

Sometimes the memories are worth the pain..

2009-07-17T06:25:00.000-07:00

"Of course, you're going to get your heart broken. And it isn't just going to happen once, but a lot. That's just part of growing up, and it makes you stronger. Then you can handle it better next time. You may not get through it yourself, but your friends will help you through it. And you'll be a stronger person because of it. Then one day someone will come along, and it'll all pay off and no one will ever break your heart again...."

What's up with all these quotes man? You guys have to stop brainwashing me with lovey dovey stories and love/heart broken quotes cause i don't like that feeling. That feeling. Haha i wanna wish Alex and all the others good luck for their new relationship. Hope that this time's gonna last forever. And please don't get irritated when they sulk,cause it's our favourite thing to do! ^^)

Apart from all the love stories and exchanging of i love you(s) in class,some people are mending still their broken heart... XiuYing still sits around,staring into blank space,thinking bout "guys are all stupid bastard assholes". Ajahanam still sings his broken heart out. Darren still wondering why is he being rejected thrice. Angmoh is still with his uniron-ed shirt. Zam with his music and "bestfriend" all around him. Mat drug with his indonesian girlfriend. In the middle of the class,sits a girl with a completely wide smile and laughters which irritates two. One calls out for medic and the other one prays to god that i would stop. And that girl is none other than.. I'm sure she's the only one who's completely sober and living life now cause she have everything in the world in her palms! :B

Our cikgu let us watch this movie during malay lesson today. It's a good movie but sadly,we had to stopped it halfway cause the lesson's over. I'm sure im gonna watch it soon on youtube. It's a good movie. One of my classmate is in the movie y'all. Don't play play horrr :B

School have been really fun these days. Ive been on the phone on my way home for the past two days. I've avoided taking the stairs down the lrt platform cause of last month's incident. Hah my ankle still hurts till today you know :\ It's recovering really slowly. Left leggie,please be nice!

"You know what... i read the newspaper and i saw your favourite boy on the coverpage. Teens died in car crash.."

Gosh. You don't know what i was going through when i heard that. Especially when i didn't saw him during recess.. And when i saw him after school,i was sooooo happy! For a moment,the next moment was "nak i hantar you alek?" Nah,not so happy when it comes to that part. For safety purposes. God's month you know,you wont wanna do these things on this blissful month!

Me and Sharifah conquered the last few minutes before we left design studio cause it was left for the both of us only. Haha yeah,everyone went back home after 5 cause they were tired. Right. Mat drug had to take his "supplies". daujat eh member. Hahaha! :D School before that was fine. We did this MOE survey and i answered really honestly.. (: Have you gotten bullied before? Yes, :\ Bullied by fek in class. And the others too cause they called me a fattttyyy bom bom. Hmph.

2 more weeks to Prelims. 3 more days to folio's dateline. Shit,i'm dead.

Have you ever thought just maybe,you belong with me?

2009-07-14T02:36:00.000-07:00

I just got back from school and supposedly be working on my dead folio cause the dateline is on this friday. God,i need to work extra hard this week as i need to hand in a quality work! And that is all impossible if i don't wash up and start doing my folio! Haaaa!

Five minutes on what happened today. As usual,my best best bestfriend in the whole wide world made me laugh till i cried the whole day today. I was practically laughing my arse off all the way from morning,recess,break between classes,d&t and grand finale,after curriculum time. I'm sure she had fun too. Too much to list down everything,so to sum up everything. Here's a convo that i had with her during recess.

*Looks at the couple beside us*

F: Eh,tak jelak ker..

S: Hah. I wonder why she like him. Who.....

F: What?

S:I don't wanna say anything.

F:Why?

S:Dosa uh.

F:Haha,nasib kau ingat!

S: No uh. I was about to say "who on earth wants to be with him?!"

HAHAHAH. This fickle minded little girl here actually bloated the hard cold truth out of her mouth. It was "unintentional",i know (: She didn't wanna say it,but she eventually did. And the grand finale was,we prank called this guy we both knew for quite awhile. A few years in fact. We called him once,and didn't talk much. The second time,we let him listened to my famous latest monotone. Haha! Soon after we laughed so much,i saw him and we talked as if nothing happened. I am such a good actress. Hurrr.

Before i went home. Me and Hui Ping sayang saw.. D. And she was like, "eh! D lehh!!!!!" I replied "i don't want him already lah." And she cunningly said "who say you want?! is i want one lah!!" Haha,i burst into laughter right after she said that. Now Mr Gym thinks that i'm into him. Can wait long long.

Did i tell you that I've been experiencing something different in the language that i use these days?

S:Nak pegi makan?

F:tkda wang uh.

H:Pinjam handphone kau leh?

F:Nah. *pass him the phone*

H:Sengkek nah?

F:Takmau suar.

Hahaha,what the hell is suar man? I've given up those kind of language for like two years already. Ni mesti aku hot pasal nampak rasam. Well anyways,speaking 'bout rasams,i've thought about it. There's no use hating someone that you've once fallen for just because something went wrong some time back. He still cares,still bother. There's no harm being nice,but i am much aware of something called membalas budi. Some other people may practice good deeds willingly. But this fella here,he wants nothing but pleasure. Ouch? Sorry,baby.

An extract of my convo with Qaqa last night. I didn't see her just now :\ Thanks umpy yumkin pumpkin sweetiepie. She's always there whenever i'm feeling a little "mawkish". Haha,since i don't have a boyfriend to get all gushy and mushy and cushy with,so why not? Anyway,love you too :B *Slaps myself* School tomorrow leeeehhhh.

Plan for tomorrow.

School ends at 12:30pm.
Geography till 1:30pm.
Social Studies till 3:30pm.
Meet up and go homee together gether gether. :)

Now now fatin,you hafta spend at least fifteen minutes in front of the mirror right after this and try a different hairstyle cause you're starting to look very typical. Good day people.

D is for Dangerous

2009-07-13T01:53:00.000-07:00

I went to the school with no other intention but to get over and done with my national examination(s). I walked towards the canteen and saw the others having their lunch. I met them,talked and proceed to the waiting room. While i was on the steps, i can see him from far walking towards my direction. I slowed down myself so that we wont be able to see each other. I was thankful cause we didn't get the chance to look into each other's eyes. After everything ended,i walked out of the school and waited outside for my ride. I was staring into blank space and i don't know why,suddenly,there's an urge to turn back. So i did,and there he was, standing directly looking at me. It was a ten second thing before both of us turned our faces away.

It has always been like this,always.

Homey where you at?

2009-07-12T19:31:00.000-07:00

School in three hours time. No,national exam in 3 hours time. I am so tired manxcxcx. I'm just gonna go and say whatever that comes to my mind.

D: Jangan byk fikir lah,just go ok.
Me: what if i fail?
D: it's not possible. you wont fail. just open your mouth.

To what extend is this source true in showing that i wont flunk my oral? :\ (Indians words can't be trusted)I'm having second thoughts of skipping oral today cause i'm not 100% fully recovered yet. It's aching here and there. Temp's down. And oh, yesterday,when i was CH,i saw a malay guy with his baby finger cut-off. Gross, but he looks alright. I'm sure he rides a bike. It reminds me of y saying "nurul.. i kene langgar lagi..." few months back. Pathetic. Baru 16 tahun da illegal riding. What's so good about riding a bike anyway? It's not wrong as long as you know your limits. But teenagers now a days don't know their limits. They don't think about what they're doing. What if they die? Their parents will face a big loss. Their siblings will feel remorseful. Their spouse will be heartbroken.. Tsks,i should stop.

The initial plan for today is go to school at 1:55 later and just go home and rest again. Is that even a plan? Haha. I need food,good food. It's been two days since ive eaten something. 3 days since i gotten out of bed. And run and jump and joke and shout and whine about how bad the food or teacher is and shout " CLASS!!! FOCULS CAN NOT?!" during geog lesson. Haha,i misssssss doing that man. I'm playing with fire i know. But whatever,i love her manx,she makes me laugh whenever i look at her. foculs=focus. =.="

I couldn't take this off my mind. Just love Ajahanam for this.

" First first aku nampak y,aku fikir die baik uh. PASAL KAU CKP DIE BAIK. So aku senyum pat die. Tapi cb sia tu matrep,die tgk aku atas bawah abeh jeling siul. *insert the pkmk word* betul,aku macam nak pegi sane pump muke die je sia. Cakap dengan die tkmu nak bigfcuk uh mau perempuan lagi tue dari die sume. padahal lelaki mature lagi lambat dari perempuan. Pikeh ape? Angkong sane sini orang takut pah? Knn. World bdh budak tu. knn. "

And my bestfriend,Hosni,just went..

"Nasib aku pakai baju kurung tu time. Cool down sikit..."
*With the innocent face*

HAHA! I can't stop laughing. See,people hate you. Not me baby.

A not so blue monday.

2009-07-06T00:15:00.000-07:00

Gosh. I cannot believe how fickle minded i am sometimes. I went into the kitchen, took out two pieces of bread and stuff it inside the toaster. I waited for 15 minutes and couldn't make up my mind whether i wanna spread peanut butter or milk on top of the toasted bread. Wth? I spent about 1 minute thinking bout that choice. In the end, i took out susu and spread it all over the bread. Yumyum ^^,) I am so hungry these days. Ive just had nasi with ayam korma few hours ago and here i am munching on breads again. I'm just making myself fatter day by day. I am so have to fast from tomorrow onwards. I promiseeeeeee. :B

Gosh. I cannot believe that i spent my Monday morning watching The Backyardigans. Those little animals are so cute! Especially the yellow thinggy,she's the mumsie type. I'm sure if Apiz were to be at my house, he will definitely be enjoying himself cause i'm getting addicted to these kind of shows. He' so irritated few months ago cause i didn't allow him to watch any kiddo shows. Instead, i asked him to watch Hindustan with me. I'm sure he remembers that ^^,) I cannot wait till the next time my parents are gonna bring me to my granny's place again. Obviously no sooner cause we're all busy with work and school and ______. Which doesn't allow us to go out.

It's raining outside now and i'm craving for a cold chocolate sundae. Geeez,i've been eating that for the past 3 days. I'm still planning to get myself bubbletea tomorrow before i get home. *screams for double pearl!* Yumm. And oh,i was browsing through the net just now and i saw this horoscope facts. I read about Scorpions-Sagittarius couples. And researches says that Scorpions and Sagittarius don't make a good match at all. That explains everything.. :B But whatever happens when two Sagittarius comes together?

"Sagittarius Women- Knowledge is a life goal. Two Sagittarians could create huge Jupiter conflicts that could get in the way of the enlightenment they naturally seek. But they have good will and good intentions and can recognize truth when they see it. They can forgive each other and don't have time for grudges. Two could be a powerhouse for truth and justice professionally as lawyers, publishers, religious leaders or even political reformers. They seem lucky but really they just never stop trying. It's the real recipe for success. Just keep trying. Let the adventure begin!"

Okay so,who is sagittarius? :P

I just realized that my MT GCE O Level (oral) Exam is this wednesday/thursday/friday! And and English Oral for the Prelims is... on the 13th. And i cannot believe my eyes, it's already 4:43 Pm! It feels that ive been wasting half of the day on lappy itself. Gosh,i didnt even lay a finger on books at all. Seriously,i need to attempt several questions on my math 10 years series. Seriously,buck up fatin! Okay okay.

5:00-Bathe.
5:30-Math.
6:30-Bookshop Shopping! + Macds.
7:00-Revise for malay.
9:00-Math again.
10:00-Telllllyyyyyyyyyy
UNTILL 11PM.

Tomorrow:
School ends at: 0215 pm.
After School:
D&T untill 3/4? :\
Go home and quick meet up session till (latest by 5).
Relax and Bathe till 6.
After that,study for awhile.
Break fast and mug mug mug all the way till 8 (Red Thread)
Mug again till 10Pm for Prison Break. :B

No no, this time really got PB. No false promises k. Don't cry,haha!

I guess i'm not gonna update till next weekend. I'm gonna have a lotttt of things to talk about! Hopefully good things. :B Heh, 4 minutes more and it's gonna strike 5. No wrong in going to the shower 5 minutes earlier right? Alright,Goodbye.

Have a nice week ahead people.

P/s: Mira's bangs is soooooooooooooooo the adorable <3

A not so blue monday.

2009-07-05T22:00:00.001-07:00

I woke up to many things today. Such as phone vibrating nonstop at 10 am,blasting music from my sister's ipod. And the smell of... Curry. Yumyum,NOT! I screamed when i got into the kitchen "DONT TELL ME YOU COOK CURRY TODAY?!" *Insert very disappointed face* And mum replied "No,ayam masak korma" Sign of relieve* Well anyway, i was shocked this morning as i saw my sister's ipod and my samsung pathetic phone is on the bed! I must have fallen asleep while texting.. My sister is gonna kill me if she ever reads this. Lol. I was practically checking if my phone is still in good condition cause i slept on top of it for 7 hours? Gosh. And for my sister's ipod, it was placed safely beside me. With all the earpiece on top of it. Don't know who placed it there. There wasn't any reply on my phone so i guess that bumblebee fell asleep too! Lol.

I went to check my Tagged account and there were a lottttttttt of luvsss! :B And and and and,the cutest part is,there's this 12 year old boy who clicked yes on me. His primary picture is him,wearing a shirt saying "Saya sayang mak saya" Lol,he's very very cute. So i clicked yes too. Lol. It's been weeks,no,MONTHS since i match up with someone okay. Standard,he sent me a message after that.. He sounds very.... kiddo-ish. Lol,turns me off. :S

I'm so sad that school's resuming back tomorrow. Tuesday=Disaster. Big day tomorrow. Toodles!

It's time to let me go

2009-07-04T19:25:00.000-07:00

There is no such things as
third chance.

I drive myself insane

2009-07-03T21:57:00.000-07:00

OH MY GODDDDDD,LOOK AT THOSE CHEEEEKS!

I read a couple of blogs this morning when i woke up. My,i hafta say that i'm a little jealous cause one of them are celebrating their 2 years anniversary today. It reminds me much of mine. That guy gave his girlfriend a letter together with 24 roses. Omg,damn sweet can?! And he even sang the song Together by Ne yo to her. Awwwwwwwwwwwwwwww! D': I was so sad till i hafta went down and buy myself chocolate sundae at Macs. And i was feeling all better after that (:

"Don't know if Arman want you or not"
*Insert double crying emoticon*

Bumblebee was super mean yesterday as he told me that his brother didn't want a girlfriend like me. Jahat sia,nasib i never sulk. If not......... Lol. I didn't know i can multi task really well. My ears and mind was with him. Eyes glue-d on to the telly screen. Mouth was filled with lembu. And hands on the lappy's keyboard. Legs? Right leg keep on scratching the other. Haha~! I remembered that i had a hard time trying to reach the spot (on my leg) which was very itchy cause one of my hands were holding the phone and the other was holding the plate. And i'm sorry if i sound a little angry last night. I promise i'll be nicer today. Heh and you know what,i'm still laughing whenever i think about your "pegi mendaki gunung ah" Eventhough it might sound a little lame, it really cheers me up. Heeeeeh :B

Oh and yah,can you believe that i actually forgotten what's my alternate email and also my password for photobucket? Omg,i swear im damn sad right now. There's a lot of pictures inside that account. Gosh. Please bring back my memory,pleaseeeeeee! Mmmmmm mmmm,i've just emailed fek a picture that i found yesterday while browsing through my old folders. A picture of me and "that guy who is currently obsessed with me" I cannot believe my own eyes when i saw that picture. Can you imagine what will happen if i upload that picture on my Tagged/Facebook/Friendster account? Haha disaster i tell you. Confirm he will think that i'm into him too. Not!

Anyhoos, I hafta give my self a pat on my back for being such a strong girl yesterday. It's really difficult to be very close to your ex and try to pretend that there's never really anything between us. But me,i played my role well. I didn't even look at him and i stayed calm through out the whole day. (: Yayness. And thanks to Sharifah for her support. She makes me feel so much better when ever she says " you really did that uh? thats good." :B

-/I have to apologize to my sister cause i fell asleep last night. I dozed off right after i put down the phone with Arif. My sister was.. disappointed. Lol okay okay,today we watch Jab We Met together ok? Jeeet! Huhu ^^)

Stop and Stare

2009-07-03T01:08:00.000-07:00

Hulla babies! My classmates should know that i'm really noisy in class today. I can't stop teasing and irritate people. Though i was down with slight fever and flu. I was so hyper till i can't stop talking. Really, Hosni and Alex are so irritated with me. Alex keep saying "fatin,can shut up or not?" Haha! First time eh! He would usually go "Tin,don't emo leh.Forget bout it laaa" And today,when i'm finally living my life,he asked me to shut my mouth up. Haha! Sorry sweetheart(s). I love y'all <3

Shucks man,i'm pampering myself by feeding my mouth with everything that my tummy craves for. Someone must be really really enjoying herself seeing me gain 5kg every hour. So bad! Mmfs,specsy. I wonder how these skinny people make it. They eat a lot,still they don't gain any weight. Genes? Gosh. I wanna be skinny. Someone help mehhhhhhhhhhh D':

Once Bitten,Twice Shy.

2009-07-02T07:06:00.000-07:00

I wanna apologize to whoever it might concern. I,myself,do not have any reason to the severe mood swings that i have these days. I am sorry. You guys did not do anything wrong to me,it's just that i have too much things on my mind. School work,especially. I hadn't been concentrating in class recently. I've been focusing more on sleeping. I do not know why i feel so tired these days. Perhaps i've been thinking a lot. I should stop that. I do not wish to have that 'cengkong' look. Still,i have it. What worries me the most is just my studies. And friends too. I've been ignoring some people on MSN and text-es. Sorry, but, i just have too much on my mind. I promise,i'll change asap.

H A P P Y B I R T H D A Y B A B Y G I R L

And i wanna thank my friends and family (cheh,mcm superstar) for putting up with my bad attitude. And Fek and Lex really made me laugh a lot today.

Me: Eh,make a donation ok.
Lex: I every year also make donation then never get anything *frowns*
Me: Ya Allah.
Lex: What?!
Me: When you make a donation,you cannot expect anything in return. You hafta do it sincerely.
Lex: Omg fatin,that was the best thing i ever heard. Giggles*
Me: Grrrrr.

And Fek..
Me: Eh how come that Singh dont know how to wear helmet uh?
Fek: Do you know how hard that turban is?!

Hahaha. I hate _____ lah. They're so bad. I tried not to be a racist, but someone just made me one. And i hate him too. :\ But i'm sure i'm gonna spend my time eye-ing on him tomorrow. Since he loves flirting and philandering, i shall play the same game too. Maybe this has been affecting my mood. Maybe.. No matter how much i hate him,I still hope that he changes for the better. It's not good to break a girl's heart twice, you know?

Before i start whining about this,i better start curling up in my bed now. Goodnight. See you tomorrow.

NICE WAAAADER.

2009-07-01T02:23:00.000-07:00

I loveeeeeeeeeee my classmates man. They make my day! :D I came to school, late, and walked up the staircase with one of my best bud,Alex. And he said "brother,how come you so emo? dont like that leh. come,scratch my back" Hahaha one thing i notice bout this fella is that he became more pampered after he has a dog staying at his house. Normal,eh? When we reached our class, he said "eh,lapar la sia. lucky i bring food." And when i asked him what he brought,he replied "it's called walnut,but i cant seem to find the nut" Hahaha! 15 minutes later..... "EH FATIN!!!! I FOUND THE NUT!!!!!!" Haha. So cute uh you lexy. :) And as for fek, she can't stop making me laugh whenever she does that sec 1 boy expression. You must see your own face i tell you. Confirm you laugh like mad. "FOR THE LAST TIME I SAY IT'S ULANG!" Haha! She even said "omg fatin,look at how many boys you've got to know within a few seconds. you're sucha...." I shall not elaborate more.

So anyways,we had SS SEQ test after school. And Ms Sazryna were shocked when she heard that Sharifah skipped this test. Haha! Good girls gone bad,eh fek? :P After SS i went straight to the workshop. I saw youknowwho, and i just went to my teacher and told him i can't come today. I'm so pissed you know. Gawd,you don't know how much i hate that boy. NDOWHDOIBWFNIFBO~!

CAN ANYONE TELL ME WHEN IS THE EXACT DATE FOR OUR GCE O LEVEL ORAL FOR MT.
THANKS.

It has been 48 months and still as weak as ever.

2009-06-29T06:51:00.000-07:00

Dear Punching bag,

Tell me something. What have you done? Why is God putting me in your shoes? Do you know that a lot of people actually said that I've changed? I said the same thing to you. And now,this moment,i know exactly how you feel. And did you know that i actually feel like opening every single secrets i have to someone today? Just like you did few months ago in that letter. You told me every single ink you had on your body which ive never known. Why is God putting me in your shoes? Why aren't you there to reassure me that I'm the nicest girl you've ever known even though I've let my parents down a lot of times? Why do we look alike? I don't wanna look like you. Why is my eye yellow like yours? Why is jaw cracking like yours? Why is there spaces between my fingers like yours? Why do i have the same appetite as you? Why you do i love the same drink as you? Why do you love to eat the way i eat? Why am i doing the things that you're doing? Why are we the same? Why did you leave me?!

Answer me.

Yours Truly.

Life is indeed wonderful

2009-06-27T07:04:00.000-07:00

I keep watching the same old episode on Youtube and it's soooo boring laaah dey. I wanna watch Upin&Ipin dan kawan kawan! Grrr,soo badly. Please please please. It's available at the VCD shop near my house,but i have no cash to spare on this disc. Alaaaah )': Target : Mama! Who cannot be bothered to entertain me whenever i start talking bout U&I. Omg,nak jugak nak jugakk ):

I swear this little(ok,not so little,but cute! :D) robot here caught my attention more than anything else. He is effing cute. And Sam calls him Bee, and that is so adorable Ya lorh,i wish my name was BumbleBee or anything that ends with Bee. (Eg: NurulBee, FatinBee, Babee. Heheh ^^, ) So that people can call me Bee. Haha! So cheesy. But seriously, people would go around calling me "Bee, amik kan ni." or "Bee,where you at?" So cute. Awh, i love the 2 hours watching transformers. Megan Fox was sizzling hot, always were. I am so jealous, but i'm thankful cause there's one thing that she doesn't have. And i have that thang. Haha yazid should know this part,BONUS JID! :B I wanna watch BumbleBee again, i wanna watch the previous Transformer(s) but i am so lazy. School's starting in one day time and i'm sure that i have no time for MSN and blogging. But i'll try to revive my blog every weekend okay? :) Back to Bumblebee! Overall the movie was fine. The trailers were funny and so is the movie. I choked on the popcorn twice while watching Transformers. The first time was because i freaked out a lil when the robots came out, anjat gegerl. Haha and the second time is when one of those guys took their pants off. Damn funny i tell you. Haha to me it was lah,but i dont know if its funny to others. Brr, im gonna collate every energy and interest i have(if can) and watch Transformers 1. Teeheeheeee

I am having sever tummy and back pain. My hips are aching! But fortunately,the pain didn't attack me while i was watching Transformers. Maybe it did but i didnt pay attention to it. Heheh I can't tahan now. I am sorry if i get angry for no reason to some people. I guess it's natural for girls to be mad of nothing every once in a month? I just hate PMS. And trust me,guys have PMS too. I've seen a lot of cases of guys getting all blue for nothing. Time Check: TenFourtyFive Post Meridiem. Yes,post meridiem stands for PM my loves, i learnt that when i was in Primary Three. Dear Mrs Soong taught me and the rest that. I was crying for my mum. Haha i still remember everything. One of the teachers whom i really love ^^,)

Ay,that made me so emotional. )': That's it,i'm gonna drag Sharifah to Seng Kang Primary this teachers day. Im gonna prepare 8 to 10 cards. Still counting,but currently here's The VIP(s) OF THE LIST : Mrs Soong,Mrs Singh,Ms Maniam,Mr Yap! (The super super super good looking sexy hot cute one :D), Mr Faizal, Mr Devan, Cikgu Siti, Mrs Elaine Yong, Mrs Fong... and many more to come! Anyhoos, when is teachers day eh? Hahaha :\

And oh,please don't think that dear monster have sucha bad taste,i posted this up by myself. Haha sorry to pollute your very first post. But i can't resist it,im so tempted to post a picture of myself! Haha happy blogging one hour per day classmate! (:

2009-06-26T19:18:00.000-07:00

HI,IM TAYLOR. HEHEHEHEHHEHEHE.
INSIDE JOKE WITH BABYGIRL ^^,)

From the bottom of my heart,i never wanted to hurt anyone. But i am putting myself in a very difficult position if i were to start a new relationship right now. I wont be fair to myself cause i am happy to be where i am right now. Wonderful baby girls,who makes me laugh and comforts me whenever im down. Such caring and loving and cheesy classmates who irritates me with their mischievousness. A master(heh) who is currently over the other end of the country who's always there when i needed someone to talk to. And of course, one supportive family. I am thankful, I'm not asking for anything more. God took away the love of my life,fair enough. He replaced him for such wonderful people.

And oh,to Muhd Yazid.

Today marks the fourth solid years ive known you. Youve been a very good friend indeed. I fell in love, and i fell apart. Still,nothing changes. Do you know what do i love most about you? I love the way you kept quite when i punch your face and body. Instead, you held me tight trying to calm me down. Heh Till today,no matter how much i hate you, i still laugh to myself in the car whenever i think about the part when you lied. You might be wondering which lie. The one that you said i wasnt heavy and fat at all, but you gave me the face the moment you carried me. Hahahahaha, now im laughing again. I can list down all the things that you did,those funny little gestures which makes me really happy. But it'll be too long for this post. I hope fate will bring you back to me. And for sure,i'm gonna remember you for a life time. Im looking at your face whenever i look into the mirror. It's funny how we look alike,and we both have yellow eyes.

2009-06-26T01:27:00.000-07:00

This goes to Khantu.

L.O.V.E

As i soak my biskut tiger into my teh tak tarik, i browse through blogs of a few of my friends who is currently in the mood for love. I can't deny that i enjoy reading posts on how much they appriciate their companion. Few weeks back,i had this convo with my sister. We saw a teenage couple walking by us,hugging,kissing, apparently can't take their hands off each other. And i told my sister "orang sume ade matair seh...." She replied "uh huh,what happened to us?" Haha.

Something to ponder about...

Why are we still single? The main reason is : choosy. I am sure that my sister is one choosy girl when it comes to the bgr part. AND FOOD AND CLOTHES AND SHOES. Haha ^^) It's not that we're choosy,its just that we choose. Haha if i were to become less choosy, i would be ending my single life last night itself with this guy on tagged who have been talking to me for only three times. I don't know if it's love, but he sounds despo. He's not that bad himself. No,he's hot. We have a lot in common. We love watching hindustan, we're born on the same date, he's hot. And he's arab. Sharp nose and wide red lips. I could proudly call him mine at that very point of time, but i didnt want to. Some might say that i'm stupid or weird. Girls have been adding him non-stop and asking for his msn add through comments and such. It's nice to know that your boyfriend is a hot property. Still,i refused. I do not know why. Instead, i stuffed the earpiece into my ears and lay in bed, quarelling with my master. I find that more entertaining and worth my time.

And to answer your question,Bboy.

I like them decent boys. Who doesn't do tattos,smoke,drinks,out clubbing,interested in phone number exchange programme,beach parties and so on. Who is nice,sweet,adorable,cute,loves his family more than anything else, prays, fun to talk with AND NEAT.

and most importantly,

No S__GH please,pure malay ok.

HAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHA.

xoxo!

two

2009-06-25T22:34:00.000-07:00

RIP, MJ.

nuratiqah says (1:47 PM):
and im sorry nurul
for breaking up w you
dont knwo why the feeling is not there anymore
im sorry
hope you'll find someone better for you
much better than me
sorry again
takecare.

Nurul. says (1:48 PM):
you too. i wish you well and happiness. god bless!

nuratiqah says (1:48 PM):
ALAH STAKAT ITU JE?
aku ade type panjang2
hahahaha!
eh aku rindu kau ahhh!

HAHAHA qaqaqaqaqaqaqaqaqaqaqa.. I miss youuuu and lynn too! School's starting in 3 days time. :S I went swimming yesterday, and i was waiting in line for the shower. Dear atiqah were on mind all the way! You know why? I don't know if you remember. But there was this time during our sec4 camp earlier this year where you need to peepee and bathe so badly and the best part is all the cubicals were full EXCEPT FOR ONE CUBICAL. That cubical was vacant cause there's a frog in it. And this silly girl right here can't tahan her bladder. So she asked kelly to accompany her bathe/___. Lol,and when i knocked the door shouting at those two (or three? heh!) cute girls, Kelly shouted at me "WAIT! QAQA STILL NAKED RIGHT!!!!" Haha. I was laughing eventhough me and Emme were damn tired at that point of time. We were tired simply because we were stucked at the pole for 15 minutes. Emme should know better. :) I miss schoooool man! Grrrr,3 more dayssss. 6 more days to o levels' oral!

And to my one and only master...

I am sorry for last night. I don't know why i reacted that way. Maybe i over reacted over such a small issue. I am sorry. I don't know what you went through and i don't have the right to say such things to you. And you know what? This morning was the first time in my life i shed a tear for you. I woke up and saw that message you sent me about you still awake at 2 in the morning. I did not sleep all night,too. I felt so sad )': I'm sorry if my actions has caused you to have sleepless nights. I should be comforting you instead of quarelling. I am sorry ):

2009-06-24T01:18:00.000-07:00

Eh kak,amikkan aku gambar. *pose* ;
Inside Joke with Joo Joo ^^)

School's starting in a few days time and ive yet completed my english homework. Yay ^^) Back to rebelious mood. I'm sure im gonna quarell with humpty dumpty alot this term. Im sure i'm gonna sit back,relax and enjoy the show when my class starts to open their mouth and quarell with her. I.CANT.WAIT Heh what kind of a class chairman is this?

Im feeling a little guilty cause i punctured Apiz's new bike tyre. Sorry baby ): Look how much he've grown. He's so fat now. I guess it runs in the family. FATTTTT. Apiz showed his new talent today. It's called sulking big time. My sister scolded him because he hitted my head with our nenek's tongkat. And he took all his toys to one side and pulled a long face. So cute! As usual, me, being a very caring loving cute pretty hot nice soft whateverthatsnice sister, i pujuk him. Haha. He lovessss me!And i'm meeting him in 3 hours time. Yayness! :D

Babyboy

2009-06-20T07:17:00.000-07:00

I miss you babyboy!

Oh my god. It's been at least 4 weeks since the last time i held this boy in my arms. I miss him so much. I miss Apiz more than anyone in the whole wide world! :'( I feel like crying now cause i miss him so much. I wanna meet him. I wanna play with him. I wanna kiss him! Eventhough he may get a little out of hand sometimes, he never fail to make me laugh out loud at the end of the day. It may be really tiring having him around, but when he's not here with him, it saddens me. No one can replace you Apiz. I know that if i were to come to your house, most to most you would say "wak lu!" as a welcome greeting, i still find it super adorable. Can't deny that i always get irritated cause we're always fighting over the teevee, but i miss that too. I want Apiz. Sobs*

I'm a little excited to see what its gonna be like when he grows up. Will he have a girlfriend? Nooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo,i will never permit him having one! What if that girl is a pathetic little brat who enjoys toying with people's heart? What if he turns into a mat rep? No no,i'll make sure that he'll grow up and become one nice,cute,decent boy ^^) I wont let my babyboy fall for someone before he reaches legal age! And no leypak leypak bawah block. Hurh.

Luck's have been on my side now. I am enjoying every single minute in my life. No more crying,no more frustration. Since i'm shortening my steps and taking everything real slow, i can think about things better. I wanna prioritise my studies,family and friends before anything else. They've been there for me throughout high and low. The people whom i didn't expect to be this close to me now are actually the ones who listened to all my whinings. I love my friends ^^. And i promise i wont be paranoid anymore. Hope that things will stay this good for long. I really need to enjoy life. I love life.

Mad

2009-06-19T11:51:00.000-07:00

Am i a happy kid or what? I just put down the phone with the super-cute-suara-setengah-mati boy, master ^^) , and here i am watching videos of John Abby on youtube. Since he's so tired and couldn't accompany me all night,i hafta nail my eyes to these John's hot abs and sexy body videos to kill this boredom. Don't jealous hor. I bet Arif's reply will be something like "ive got no time to get jealous aten!" Heh :D

I've just ended my convo with Ajan on MSN and damn,he makes me laugh. We were mushy-ing and cheese-ing around with each other and suddenly he pop out that question. I was speechless, really. Aku tatau nak jawab ape pat kau Jan,nanti aku matair dengan kau Sharifah marah pulak. Heeeee. And now i'm only left to chat with my own sister which is in the other room. & oh,did i mention that something weird happened today? I was browsing through Tagged and there's this guy added me,so i accepted and he sent me a message. He said "you always go gvss every sat kan?" Haha, after in exchange of a few messages, i found out that he was one of those boys who plays soccer infront of gvss. Gawd,didn't know that anyone could notice a random girl like me. This is building my level of.... self-confidence? ^^)

Oh look,it's already 3:15 in the morning and i'm not in bed yet. Well,i'm practically on my bed already, just that these stubborn eyes are refusing to give me some beauty sleep. I'm currently listening to Mad by Ne Yo. "..we're fighting this war when baby both of us are losing" Miracle isn't it? One minute you're moaning away how boring your life is,and even thought of just go with the flow and can't be bothered about anything anymore. And suddenly, some group of people came by and rescue you from the pitch black and made everything else colorful. However colorful my life is right now,there's still gonna be some guilt that lingers. I just made Dela cried today,i am so sorry hunny. You nanges,i pun nanges tau. )': Though everything happened so fast,i clearly see why god broke me and y up. HE WANTED ME TO ENJOY LIFE! Hee, i'm laughing and smilling and shouting away ever since we split up. The grass is really greener on the other side,eh?

Fifteen minutes to four After Morning.

I really wished i can wish these two little angels that i'm talking to goodnight. But i'm not sleepy at all. This is bad. I'm gonna have another headache when i get up tomorrow morning i tell you. I'm gonna wake up with the erghh feeling. Just hoping that my family can go out tomorrow cause i'm running out of tops. :S I love to complain on how expensive things are these days. And i've decided not to spend till i have my own money! Well,at least it could help out mum and dad by a bit ^^.) I'm feeling so nice these days,AHA! I hope this is not temporary. Otherwise i'm gonna be that spoilt little brat whose gonna spend cash like running water. That is so messed up.

Note to all/-
Since it's already morning,i wanna wish everybody a good day ahead. May your day be filled with unconditional joy and happiness. Don't forget to smile! ^^)

I'm sorry i didn't call back. You should know that i'm avoiding you. It's time to let go,D.

Sorry.

2009-06-19T09:06:00.000-07:00

Instead of giving ample false hopes to you,i've decided to just say it to your face. I know it's hard but i didn't actually reject it solely. I actually tried telling myself that you're sweet,nice and would do anything for me. I would love to have a boyfriend like you,but i couldn't make myself fall for you. Or even like you. It doesn't matter how hard you try to be all around me. I just couldn't make myself fall for you. I am sorry but i think things would better for you if i were to confess everything out. At least by telling you that you don't stand any chance to win my heart, it would give you a way to find someone else. Who might actually give you her all and love you till eternity.

I'm not trying to hurt you. But Rafiq, i can't force myself to love you. And i don't like the idea of you asking me 101 things that's happening to me. I just don't like that. I'm only open to my girlfriends and guys who are closer to me. Which is a few only. There's nothing to get jealous about. I still regard you as a friend but nothing more. I just couldn't. I am sorry,fake. You're so good to me til i think that i dont have what it takes to have a boyfriend like you. I'm sorry if i was harsh to you previously. But this is just me. If you can't handle me at my worse, why talk about spending the rest of our lives together? It would be a chaos. I hope you would understand.

Yours Truly.

Together

2009-06-19T02:08:00.000-07:00

"Some things are just better left unsaid. Some things are just not meant to be"

I woke up with a heavy head this morning. It feels as if i drank beer like a fish the night before,BUT I DIDN'T! I was having a super bad headache when suddenly Fareez Khan came to my mind. I don't know why but i was feeling a lil guilty inside cause if it wasn't for my box,he could have gone ahead and proceed with his product. But it was his idea to put his product inside my box anyway. :\ I wanted to text him about today, but then i thought that he's still soundly asleep,so i aborted that idea. See,i'm so nice right? Hee ^^,) So being the Fatin that is super lazy,i took out my earpiece and enjoyed the aircon till 12pm. After that i bathed and went to meet Mr Teo. We did my Ergonomics drawing,Designing and Exploded View. Yay! I've never done ProDesktop alone before this. He was always there to guide me. Heh Afterwhich, i got myself McChicken meal. Yummy ^^. And that was when Fareez texted me =.= Lambat nah you bangun! It was funny cause he only waited 3 minutes for my reply. After 3 minutes had passed by, he texted me again saying "Yuhoooo,you pegi tak?" Haha,have some patience boy!

I am feeling all better inside today. I'm trying to be cheerful again. Cause i know it's affecting everyone around me. And it's not fair. Ive decided to watch upin&ipin if i ever get sad again. Cause they made me laugh bigtime! I wanna get the Vcd yesterday, but my dear sizzy was angry with me cause she said i'm behaving like a 3 year old kiddo. Hey! I'm just obsessive with those two little anime okay,there's nothing wrong about that. Being a nice girl,i stomped out of the shop with heavy feet. (:

One more week to school reopens. Which means that we're all gonna be busy again. Awh,i'm gonna miss my desktop/lappy :\.. Hoping that school is better this term. Better weather with better environment. With better crowd.

Toodles.

Arse!

2009-06-17T22:44:00.000-07:00

Last night wasn't that bad. Except for the kucing part (only me and dela knows,teehee). It really scares the shit out of me. I wasn't lying lor. Now i'm scared again. D: I spent my night talking and laughing away with 7 most wonderful people. But two of them went offline at around 11pm? So i was left with the other 5. Wasn't that bad anyway. & guess what? my dear malay classmate got me a new nickname last night. eventhough it's tak glamour. i'll post it up anyway. You one cheeky monsterrr.

and and and,i was laughing to myself when i saw this post on Dela's blog. kekeke

(ARIF MUST ENLARGE THIS,I DONT CARE,MUST SEEEEEE)

Teeeheee. Master,tengok! Nama adik you dah jadi part of name i. Ade chance,ade chance. Hehe Ily maman! :D

Heheh ^^,) I was feeling all blue inside last night till i cried untill four in the morning. Gawd, Gwen Stefani! Haha but really. I get so emotional after a long time of not pouring tears for yazid. It's been quite awhile though. 3-4 months? And last night,everything came out. :\ I'm feeling no better today. But i'm looking forward for a better tomorrow. Hopefully a better day with a better someone. Hopefully.

My tagged account have been really..... what's that word? Alive? Haha,ive been receiving msgs/comments/friend request/meet me interest every now and then. So fun! At least people add/ask me for my msn not like that bastard. Tak laku,mintak perempuan punyer add,add 700 perempuan in a week. And girls will reply him half-heartedly. Huahuaaaa~! Tsks. I'm so bad, but he's worse. So who cares?

I'm currently talking to this guy named yan. I just know him last night and we're talking as if we've known each other for a very long time. I told him i hated curry and he was like "wtf?!" haha! And it feels so good when there's actually someone in Asia who have the same interest with me. (: Eh eh eh,i'm so hungry now :S

PMS

2009-06-17T04:13:00.000-07:00

(My face looks awful here,but whatever,my hair looks super long. I loike!)

I do not know why but ive been saying things that i shouldnt be saying. Not vulgarities. But i'm so open to people these days till i keep saying things that people should not know. Like how i told master that i ran out of clothes. (???) Like how i told Ain who sent me home the other day eventhough i swear to him that i would not tell anyone. Like how i told Dela that i miss arif. (Ni lagi, i tatau asal). LIKE HOW I TOLD YAZID THAT 15 MONTHS BACK,I WAS MAKING UP STORIES JUST TO HAVE HIS ATTENTION . Omg,what have i done? And you know what he replied? "I knew you needed my fullest attention,im sorry nurul" DA BYE AH MAT,DA TERLAMBAT OK. I was a bit pissed off. So i blocked and deleted him again (: This time,for sure,im not gonna re add him. Pandai pandai kau carik aku kay.

I'm currently talking to both Rully and Dela. Dela-Revenge. Rully-Advices. Im talking to Dela about how my revenge is gonna be like,i know its wrong. But im one angry girl you know? As for Rully, he keeps saying that one of his girl-friend is staying so far away from him. How do i make him see that the distance doesn't matter? Y travelled through 20++++ MRT stations just to make me smile,so why cant you? :\ Love = Sacrifice,baby.

My day was fine,just a lil pissed off just now cause i couldn't understand anything my granny says. I wanna be the best grand daughter ever,but how am i suppose to be one when my level of patience is only 1.2m? That's like half of my height okay. :\ I'll try to be nice. Though nursing is not in my dictionary, but it doesnt kill to try right?

Current plugins:Rascal Flatts-Here comes goodbye.

I'm feeling all blue inside and i do not know why. Ahh,i hate this feeling. Someone please cheer me up.

tiada lagi

2009-06-17T00:24:00.000-07:00

To my dear girl,dela.

I know things are a little bit harsh for you now. You've done everything you could to save the relationship. You've got victory cause you stayed with your love through thick and thin. I know it's hard for you to let everything go when it has come to an end. Maybe God already have planned things to be this way so that you could meet your Mr. Right. Don't cry anymore hun,everything's gonna be alright. I know i'm much in your condition right now, well partially. And i have no right to advice you this much. But all i know is,youre a sweet girl. You definately deserve someone who is willing to pour unconditional love on you till the end of time. You're nice i swear and you're bound to choose another who is as nice as you. You and I both share the same exboyfriend,he left us both the same way. Without a note :\ I know how you feel. And it's really strong of you to get through that period of heartbreak and found a replacement. Compared to me, i didn't bother to nurse my broken heart. You have to do the same now. Maybe not find a replacement but just stand strong on your own feet. You have a very sweet sweet smile. So don't waste that and cry okay? I'm always here for you. "Muax" Hahaha! Jangan nangis ok?

-----------------------------------

Me and farhan have nothing to talk about except for meet ups. We havent met for like two years already? Aha, and i really cant remember whether he has a girl or not. Im sure he's pissed off now. :\

sam- says:
bukan nye u selalu tau ade rumah tkde org
sam- says:
boleh makan mee kuah sekali *:
sam- says:
(:
'Nur baby says:
HAHAHAH janji lama sia you. you no gf issit?
sam- says:
brp kali seh u tanye
'Nur baby says:
ok last
sam- says:
tkde la
sam- says:
the last one was like march last year
sam- says:
-_-
'Nur baby says:
wah lama nyaaaaaa
sam- says:
yup u?
'Nur baby says:
i just threw away my 3 yrs plus plus r/s last....... week ker two weeks. haha
'Nur baby says:
cant remember
sam- says:
-_-
sam- says:
why
'Nur baby says:
dia macam ___?
sam- says:
da 3 tahun baru cm sial?
'Nur baby says:
yeap. dia mintak main. i taknak
sam- says:
haha
sam- says:
rabak peh
'Nur baby says:
ahahah abeh. mcm you ah. hahahahhah!
'Nur baby says:
tak la jk
sam- says:
-_-
sam- says:
kene i eh
'Nur baby says:
tak eh?
'Nur baby says:
hahaha
sam- says:
i cume nk mee kuah je.

So cute right this guy? Hahah i promised him a mee kuah lunch date last two years. But tak kesampaian cause that someone hated me a long the way :\ Memories. Well i watched Rab Ne Bana Di Jodi and Kuch Kuch Hota Hai yesterday. Both Mushy mushy laaa. And Ain was really kind cause she calmed me down. I couldnt stop crying. Hehe thanks luv (: And oh, did i tell ya that i can have the MASTERbed room all to myself tonight? Yeay master. ^^)

I wish im pretty.

2009-06-15T22:36:00.000-07:00

Me: Do you think i can be pretty like Mariah Carey?
Azhar: Nope,you're gonna be prettier than her when you grow up.
Me: Really?! Teeeheee!
Azhar: Sedap kan hati member la eh.
Me: OI!

I know i hafta be thankful for whatever i have now. I'm not spastic. I am thankful for that. But im human,i'm jealous of a lot of things. I'm jealous of Mariah Carey's long full hair. Her body (erk,not exactly). Her face of course. She's so pretty. Why am i not as pretty as her? I seriously wanna have the looks and brains. After ive gotten that, i can already call myself a happy girl. ^^) My family's watching Keluarga 69 outside and i'm a bit pissed off in my room cause they keep laughing and laughing when i catch no ball. zzzzzzzzzzzz. I'm going down to plaza after this to rent some vcds to keep myself occupied. Holidays have been very boring at home. Ive been talking to a lot of people. Even the people whom i should ignore. I deleted some contacts today,and i still couldn't figure out why. Weird? Haha,tatau! :)

Go to hell.

2009-06-15T03:03:00.000-07:00

Look at this smilling face. Look at it carefully. Soon enough you won't get to talk to me anymore. No more sweet talks,no more arguments. You shall vanish from my life forever.

Isn't it funny when a moment ago, you loved someone so dearly and the next minute, you and him are nothing but the biggest enemy of all? Please don't get me wrong,i'm not jealous or anything. I don't need to. It's just that i hate liars. Enough said, you're just a stupid redneck whose really bad at lying. I could have loved you all my life if you had treated me right. I've always thought that you're the only one for me. Today,i'm strong enough to put an end to this charade. I will regard everything as a nightmare and just be optimist about everything that has happened between you and i.

27/06/06-15/06/09

This Chemistry.

2009-06-14T02:41:00.000-07:00

Can i go back to the part where i'm nicer and honest? I'm feeling a little guilty now cause i literally told a guy off when he just said "hey,whatcha upto?". Truth to be told, i'm sick of this guy cause he can't remember which school i'm from and he'll end up asking me in every convo we have. Annoying isn't it? I do not know why i'm getting nastier and nastier these days. I even blocked few people in my msn list. I deleted 3 contacts today. Surprisingly, one of them was the one whom i spent my past 3 years with. :\ Strange isn't it? I'm sorry, but if you guys hadn't been seeing me online for awhile, that's probably cause i've blocked/deleted you on my msn. Sorry.

I came to the point where i'm so helpless and tired. So i beep up Azhar and told him i was hungry. At first he said he was outside and couldn't accompany me.He even said "kau lapa,pegi makan ah.call aku bole buat kau kenyang pa?" I was abit dissapointed lah cause i wanted to have popcorn chicken really badly. But 1 hour later.. Dingdong,Pizza Hut delivery! He settled the bill and i had the whole pizza to myself. Heh heh heh,thank you thank you thank you. Sweet lah kau. (:

School's starting in 2 weeks time and i've yet completed all the homeworks that i have. English, tak sentuh pun. Sigh. I wanna finish up before 3rd week. Macam pah. I wish there's someone who would be kind enough and do me 6 compositions. Impossible. I'm lazy i can't deny. Memoirs of a Geisha is starting in like, 15 minutes time. Till then!

P/s: Master,i miss looking at my boyfriend already!

A is for Allah/Father and Son

2009-06-12T23:48:00.000-07:00

I'm a lil emotional whenever i listen to Yusuf Islam's/Cat Steven's songs.(Especially wild world,hehe) Eventhough some of them suppose to be a motivational song, still, i feel so sad >:(

Note to self: I love my daddy more than i could ever love any other guy.

I'm more like a son. I know nothing about housechores. I don't help my mum, i look like a boy whenever i'm at home (i cant deny that). I don't wear dresses. Me & my dad has the same taste for clothing : Simple. Just jeans, simple tee and sneekers would be nice. I would only wear dresses only to special occasion,definately not to town or any other outings. Weird? Fek finds it weird for a girl not to wear one piece. Aiyah I'm a boy. Fake, still like me? :S

I'm supa dupa umpa lumpa bored. jsikniacmuhankcnascicasmao!

Good morning revival!

2009-06-12T19:30:00.000-07:00

I just finished talking to one of my ex classmate, Ali, and he really made me feel a lil better inside. Especially when he said "Relax lah, a nice girl like you,sape tanak rugi beb". Aww :') I can't help myself from blurting every single secrets i have just now. I know i broke my promise. But who cares, you broke your promise too. Thanks for being there Li. =) Guess what? It's a Saturday and i woke up at 7 AM. =.=" Everyone's still asleep now and here i am blogging. Wth sia. I can't even get a proper sleep. I still remember pressing the silent mode button last night cause i dk who msged me in the middle of the night (at 2 AM actually) which gave me the shock of my life. He said "your captain passed away yadayadayada..." I was too sleepy till i can't recognize that it was actually one of the pranks from the boys. Custard betul, semangat tau aku bangun kul dua pagi setakat nak reply korang. Esok blanje aku eh fy! Kau tak blanje aku, aku potong kau! Macam paaa uh fatin. (: Woots, today is the day whereby YOU will determine what's OUR future will be like. It's either you find me today, or you'll lose me forever. And i mean forever cause baby i'm sick and tired of being your doormat. I'm not gonna bother "waiting patiently for your return" cause i know i deserve much better. I'm only 16 and i still have a long way to go. I have another like, 10 years? to find that better one and it's definately not you. If im fated to be yours, we will surely meet again down the road. So no worries my dear DS. =)

kekasihku,

2009-06-12T06:03:00.000-07:00

I was sitting around Design Studio and i decided to took out Ajan's MP4 since it was with me. And the first song that played was this song by Wings. And damn,it really made me teared abit when Mr Teo and fek wasn't looking at me. I was so sad when i listened to this song. Many things were on my mind at that point of time. I still remembered D said "well love,this is life. you hafta accept it like a strong girl okay" few months back. I still remember everything you said. I still remember how your presence turned everything the other way round...

seven stars awaiting

2009-06-10T00:44:00.000-07:00

Eh,tengok blakang. Siapa tu? Coughs*

I just viewed Snoopy's multiply and guess what, most of the pictures are pictures of me and fek. Haha,malunyaaaaaaaaaaa. That's it, lesson to learn: don't use your friend's cam to camwhore with your bestfriend. Shame shame :\ I don't feel that good today. I feel a little warm. Inside and outside. The weather is terrible and that made me angry at almost everything. I don't know why but i have this habbit of getting mad at everyone when the weather is hot. This is bullshit i know and that's probably why no guy can ever withstand me. Aha. I encountered several bullshits today.

Well,how do i put this nicely..

When you ask a girl out for dinner/lunch and her reply is only "nah,i had my meal just now thanks anyway" What does it actually mean? That obviously shows that she's not intrested in you and rejecting your offer in a nice way.

When you ask a girl what she's doing or what she's up to, and her reply is only "nothing". That clearly shows that she's just plain lazy to talk to you despite of being bored at home. That is actually a hint for you to stop bugging her in any way. By sharing your past experience with your ex girlfriends won't attract my attention,boy.

Sometimes i wonder why people can't see that i'm actually avoiding them or just lazy to entertain them. It's pointless to talk to someone whose not intrested in being your friend. Maybe i accepted your request on Tagged/Friendster/Facebook but that doesn't mean that i would go out with you right? I'd rather stay at home and finish up my math and english homeworks compared to wondering around the island aimlessly with someone whom i barely even know. Word. I'm getting sick and tired of these shits. No matter how good looking that fella may be, i just don't find interest in talking to him. Am i straight? :S Yes, i still find Arif/ Arman cute. I still look at Fareez. I still go gaga over Lewis Hamilton. I am straight. Then what's wrong? I need to find a new friend who can entertain me 24/7 but there's this feeling which is stopping me from doing so. This is frustrating.

Now i feel like eating pretzels. Damn.

And my master said "The best way to escape from reality is to sleep lor. & wake up the next day with a smile. :-) " So i guess i'll go to bed now hoping that tomorrow is a better day and i would at least find a decent/good looking substitute! :) P/s come back home d,i miss you already. wipe tears*

MY BOYFRIEND FINALLY CALLED ME!

2009-06-08T04:04:00.000-07:00

"Cause i love you more than i could ever promise"

I loooove Ingrid Michaelson's songs! They're all very soothing and nice. I love how she express herself in a very simple way. Some songs are too complicated and difficult to understand. Another singer i love most is MYMP. Awh, MYMP reminds me of the time i was in Jakarta. I miss holidays. > :/

And guess what? Today, 080609, my boyfriend finally build up his guts and called me. I don't know if Arif forced him to do so or what, but still, his "ni aman!" makes me smileeeeee so widely till now. He is cute i tell you. I'm sure i'll give up but-sight-seeing and be loyal if i were to have a boyfriend who sounds that adorable. I swear. Thanks for brightening up my day,Arif. You're cute too, but im soo in love with Arman.

I am currently munching on cookies that mum baked the other day. It's nice, and maybe i wanna bring it to school tomorrow for babygirl. Hope Sharifah comes, if not, rugi! Haha :) Just now i went for d&t sessions. And that's when i realize that i have to put a fullstop on this relationship. You and i both know that last wednesday was a mistake and it's time to move on.^^

I don't know if i should attend school tomorrow. I'm so shagged (eh,not really) with everything. I'm tired of people teasing me with youknowwho in class WHEN I DON'T EVEN LIKE THAT FELLA. Get your facts right my loves, i don't like him. And you're not goodlooking at all and never will i lay my lips onto yours. Saw that line? N-E-V-E-R. First off, it's sinful. Second reason,i don't love you. Third off, why would i wanna kiss someone whom i don't even know? I WILL NOT SAY BYEEEE TOO YOU ANYMOREEE YOU MORRRRRRON! Bluergh.

SHARIFAH,STOP LAUGHING. I KNOW YOU LOVE WATCHING ME BEING TEASED.

I hafta admit that i'm actually happy for my dear bestfriend cause she've found her Mr Right. Yes. It's been over 10 years since i knew her and this is the first time i saw her smiling to herself. She even talk about one particular guy all the way. Happy for her cause she finally feel what it feels like to fall for someone, out of the blue. Time to say goodbye to both KT and Gayboy. (:

I found myself thinking bout something really common between me and yazid. Did i really change? Or is it just part of growing up? I'm sorry i changed,i can't help myself. :/

WHAT'S WRONG WITH ME?

2009-06-06T23:17:00.000-07:00

I woke up today and checked my outbox and i was shocked cause i sent a few messages to old people asking how they're doing last night at 1230am. HAHA. I don't remember anything at all. But i do remember that i dreamt of Shanaz and makes me wanna text her this morning. But she didn't reply. Maybe she's not updated with my new number. I should call her up later! ^^,)

I'm quite a sotong these days. Maybe that's the retribution for calling someone 'squid' eh? Maybe i should stop calling people names cause i am quite a squid myself :/ Had no plans today. I wish i could be like my sister and even study when it's the holidays. But no,unfortunately i'm not her and i'm lazzzzzy to open up my textbook and do some math practice. Nanti da bukak skola,baru terkial kial! Eh anyway, is my new blogskin okay? Cause i just realized that my past blogskin's font is quite a bugger to some people's lappy. So i decided to change it for the benefit of everybody. Especially for Dila's lappy. Heh =D

Ah,her name reminds me of something. I was reading her blog just now when i saw this..

It's actually a convo between me and her few weeks back. It's a convo whereby i actually flirted with her. I was bored and single,apa lagi? Flirt lah. Haha! I was putting myself in a guy's shoes. I said something like "muke you mintak kene kiss" and many more. Haha i'm being cheeky with a girl. Eh not bad ah. One of my girlfriends said that "do you know that the way you stare at girls looks as if youre intrested in them?" Eee, NOT! Maybe that's the reason why some girls have been adding me in tagged recently. They even sent me messages like "Hey,thanks for accepting. Mind to intro?" Like hello,did you mistook me for a guy? I'm sure that i don't look/sound like one. Do i? =/ Syafiq suggested that i should change my status to In A Relationship/Engaged/Married instead. To prevent lesbians from hooking me up. But idk? If i were to change my status,then boys won't be adding me up right? HAHA.

I guess i'll have to wear the bandage tomorrow to school to show that i'm not fit to do a lot for d&t. Hehe i can at least sit down,lazying around class and laugh out loud with best girlfriends. I hope tomorrow wont be a bore and i hope today wont be that bad cause there's a thousand and two people online but i don't find anyone of them intresting. ITS.TIME.TO.MAKE.NEW.FRIENDS.FATIN

GRANT MY LAST REQUEST

2009-06-05T03:07:00.000-07:00

I look at this picture and i thought,maybe i should be more like her and less like me. I really should see things as how she sees it. Boys will be boys. They just want pleasure.

What's the point of you asking me to promise not to air out our 'affair' when we actually had nothing going on? You told me you loved me 2 months back and at that point of time,i was in love with someone else. At that same period of time,you said it was a sudden thing and it went off after awhile,too. I was relieved cause i have one less burden to think of when i already have one jerk on my other hand. But now you came back,asking me for the things that you know i'm not willing to give. You're no different than my past. You're an arse. And now,i'm trying real hard to let everything go. That means you have no place in my heart anymore. Let's see what fate have in store for us. Let's see if your sharp nose,brown eyes and cute voice can make me go gaga for you all over again. Eh anyway,isn't it ironic cause both yours and mine left ankles are hurt?

--------------------------------------------------

I was reading one of Arif's replies when i tripped and fell. I regretted it,seriously. I should have look where i was going. Luckily there was this abang. Sempat dia kata 'tinggal mana ni? tak makan eh tadi?' :) Now,i hafta endure this cannot-take-it pain as my urat halus went haywire. How am i suppose to finish up my product? Grr. I hope my ankle's all better by this monday. If notttt, aiyah, don't know what to say lor D': I'm already at the edge of everything. All that's left is just joining all the parts together and try outs. Spray paint,polish and i'm all done for d&t. I can then say goodbye to everything and start focusing on Chemistry!

Talking 'bout chemistry. Babygirl mentioned that she and this guy doesn't have any Chemistry,that's why they don't last long or something. Weird. Me and Yazid had a hell of a Chemistry. Still,in the end,we split up. Why?

It's friday today and that means i can finally watch Hindustan~~~~~~! The thing is,i'm busy with school from monday-friday eventhough i'm having my holidays. Not like that person,still got 5 more weeks to sleep late and call me early in the morning. Hehe :) Suka? Nak gambar? Tunggu kay.

P/s

Please pray for me so that my ankle would be fine by tonight. Please please pleaseeeee.

Nothing New

2009-06-01T01:30:00.000-07:00

Note to self : I miss Arif.

I woke up and looked at the clock. Had a glance and went to the toilet. Bathed. And went to school. I wanted to get myself choki choki,but Sharifah was already at porch waiting for me. So went to meet her instead. Rully looked good today. Yes,i mean 'sachok'. Really good. Terpikat sekejap i pat you. =D Ironically, our Bahagian B answers are all the same. Haha,we didn't copy. I swear! Heh. After paper 1,me and fek went to the canteen to eat anything that we can find. I was hungry but most of the shops were closed. So i went to buy pizza and we crack some jokes. When i got home,i checked my phone and there were 9 unread messages. But i only read one of it. That was " Nurul,please do well today =) "

I'm so bored right now. Holidays has started still there's classes for the next 4 days. So bored. Except for d&t lah. Cause cause cause cause cause. DS! Heh heh heh. (Ni kalau babygirl bace ni,confirm kene tempeleng!) I'm paying a lip service again. Can't help it, i can't resist foreigners ^^,)

**

As i was looking at her just now,many memories were flashed back. The times when i use to follow her sit under void decks. The times when i use to be a heavy passive smoker. The times wheni use to hook up with the school's hottest hunk. The times when i use to think that schooling is a waste of time. Omg,can't believe that i was once like that. Please uh. I need a slap on the face.

Azhar: oi.
Me: I nak boyfriend lah. so bored.
Azhar: go find.
Me: Find for me.
Azhar: Depan mate ni ade taknak.......
Me: Uh? Ape kau ckp?
Azhar: Eh tkde lah. Aku nyanyi je tadi. Heh!

SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO CUTEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!

DRE

2009-05-28T23:30:00.000-07:00

{ Too bad i'm not sad,it's past and over.You're just one of those things i'll have to get over with }

A lot of huhu-haha ing in school today. Especially recess time with Sharifah,Mai,Lily and Lynn. We talked 'bout this couple. Non-stop hits ey.

It went something like...

Lily: Aku rase dorang ___ ikut manual uh.

Me: Uh huh. Dorang bile nak ___ kan,ade buku pat sebelah. Buat reference.

Lily: Confirm macam, first step,strip. Second..

Me: Second da start stroking. Then... Eh,belek buku lagi.

Lily: Up down side ways. HAAHA!

And she really made me laugh when she said..

Eh kau tgk bapak aku tuh. Cute sia omg. Perut dia yang boncet tu... Sexy siul!

I'm sorry God. But things just got out of hands. In fact,i really needed those laughters cause i spend my morning drowning in tears. I cried and cried cause my tummy was really hurting :C I had a really bad tummy ache. I went to school with a long face. I didn't bring my phone,didn't wear my favourite watch. Didn't wear any perfume. Wore P.E shirt to school. God knows why i wore PE when i don't have PE today. And currently now, Sharifah is making me feel really guilty.

Sharifah: Not fair. My boyfriend loves you.

Me: What? You got two sia. I have NONE. I need attention from someone really special. I have no one to talk to.

Sharifah: I want to call Nur Teens Line. Stress.

I'm sorry Sharifah. After yazid left me,i feel a little lonely. I don't have anyone to talk to. Give me Nick puhlease? :)

CRAP

Thank god it's friday.

Cause i can't go to school with this problematique face. I just feel like scolding everyone around me. I even rejected 9 calls today. I'm sure Firdaus' a lil mad with me cause i rejected his call too. I'm sorry :/

I wanna go on vacation. A looooooooooooong one. I don't wanna come home. I don't wanna see that jerk's face,don't wanna go reading his lovey-dovey pm(s) for a million other girls. The fact is,they're not interested in you baby. They're lazy. They think that you're not hot at all. You're just a loser who goes around Tagged asking for girl's email. A hot guy will have a million girls dying to have their number/email etc. Tapi kau? Kau yang mintak perempuan ni sume. So why the big fuck face? Kau dengan kau pey red-underlined report book boley pegi mampus ah mat. Muke aku macam sial? Abih apesal kau sanggup datang Sengkang setakat nak jumpe aku? Otak letak mana? Darah daging setan. Pikir handsome uh tu? Sekali aku tumbuk kau pey muke, lagi satu jaw dislocated siul. @#$%$%**)(#*@ !

Mendaki tomorrow. I wanna go and eat cavana! Pleaseeeeeeeeeeee mamamamamamama! I've been eating a lot. Only today, i had Mee Soto, Mee goreng, Choc Chips,Pringles AND MANY MORE. Firdaus,i da gemuk. Macam mana ni?????????????? :'(

Aunty,kaya?

2009-05-22T04:21:00.001-07:00

It's funny how i went back home crying cause i was dissapointed and the next minute,i was giggling away with Firdaus. It's funny how you always call me up at the right timing. The very minute before i leave house,the very minute when i got home,the very minute when i just woke up,the very minute when i feel like crying...

No sharifah,No Arif. Not new boyfriend. Just tfriends.

Why am i still laughing? Cause i still remember him saying.

Him: Eh bukak la lagu tu. Asal stop?

Me : Da bukak pe ni.

Him: tkde?

Me : Ni ape,pekak eh? Oh i lupe,telinge you kan kecik. Hehe.

Him : Dah belum?

And.

The way he asked kaya from the aunty. Haha! Nonsense lah botak. Thanks for being there when i needed to talk to someone the most. You were patiently asking me 'what's wrong?' five times just now. I bet youre not gonna call me up after this cause you told me not to blog bout this. But still, my blog is just to showcase all the nice people i know. And what i said was actually. "You said you always fail to cheer people up,but you've been cheering me up both yesterday and today". Now you have no excuse to ask me what i said again. Cause you can read if you can't hear me right =)

My day was perfect till the last moments of the meeting. You're right,you're nobody to me. If you were to die,i'm not gonna be affected. You're just my past time. I'm boring, what can i do? I'm too good,too nice for someone like you. You deserve an older,mature and open-minded girlfriend. Or maybe a cheap one so that you can touch her anywhere you want? Haha. I'm sorry baby,but i'm not the type where you can touch me anyhow. I've got a price,and i don't think you will ever afford to get your hands on me. So,back off. I deserve someone better.

TGIF

Unfortunately,it will be a nervous weekend for me cause i'll be getting back all my exam papers this monday and it's very stresssing! Omg. If i were to fail any of the papers,i'm sure im gonna cry cause even without yazid,i can't concerntrate. Why?! Because i was far too confident and thought that i need not study that hard. What the hell was i thinking? Now,don't bother regretting cause it won't work fatin. 8 more days to O levels and here you are updating a blog. Tsks,YOU SHOULD BE MEMORIZING PERIBAHASA YOU LAZYYYASSSS.

And guess what? Siq just text me saying "...tkmu nangis lagi ok". I'm in tears again now! All your fault uh botak. Who ask you to be so sweet?

Not forgetting my best girlfriend,Sharifah,who is now in a dilemma cause she don't know which guy to choose. I'm sorry your boyfriend called me out just now instead of you. I know your heart was racing cause he just had a haircut and he looks absolutely cuter than anyone else in the world. Can't deny that. But what to do? He calls me out instead of you,maybe he's.... falling for me? :/

you're still the one i love

2009-05-19T19:50:00.000-07:00

I opened up my cupboard and the pink box fell on me. I wanted to chuck it aside. I wanted to ignore it but i don't know why i ended up sitting on the floor reading all your letters. I was smiling really widely whenever i see your "yours sincerely,mr cyclops" But slowly,my smiles turned into tears. Especially to the letter when you asked me to leave if i'm hurting inside. Eventhough it's already over 9 months since that incident happened,i still felt sad when i read that letter. I miss those days when i use to be the reason to the smile on your face. I miss being important to you. Unfortunately,all good things comes to an end. Always. Nevertheless i still appriciate your presence now. I hope i still mean alot to you.

Oh look,it's already 12 and i'm still sitting around my room thinking 'bout what to do. Since exam's over. I have 15 minutes to get ready and go to school. Say hello to long hours of courses!

EDITED.

Alafy: Good got bf alr.
Me: Who my bf?
Alafy: Arman or AZMAN?!
Me: Babs!
Alafy: Hehehe. kesayangan kau pah. Wan Azman.
Me: Kau diam ah. Mana dia skg uh?
Alafy: Mana aku tau. da 3 tahun tk contct.
Me: Aku 4 tahun.
Alafy: Haha! kesian.

Hahaha. I was shocked when i got to know that Alafy don't know how to use tagged. HAHAHA. Kesian eh kau fy. I wish i could help,but i'm sorry. I'm far too lazy. =) I have school tomorrrrrrrrrrrow i can't believe itttt. I'll be really happeh if i dont have to attend the courses tomorrow and friday and meet yazid instead. Uhhhhhhhhhhhh~! I feel like puking whenever i think bout fooooood. Hehhhh.

I'm tired but i can't sleep. Arif cepat abiskan journal you!

extra ordinary

2009-05-17T22:56:00.001-07:00

I did a couple of nonsense today.
One of them is....

Me: Lizzzzzzhuuu. I looooooove youuuuu.
Liz: siao.
->Clueless.

Me: Pyyyyyyyyy. I loooooooov youuuuu!
Py: Hahaha!! Why?!
Me: Don't know. you don't love me too?
Py : I do! :D
->Sweeeeet!

Me: Fekkkkkkkk,loooooooooove you!
Sharifah: Jealous issit? Haaaaa.
->100% not true.

Me: Arif,ily!
Arif: haha wadsup? cheh dp baru.
->No expression./Speechless.

Me: Sayaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaang you.
Firdaus:I sayang nurul jugak!
->Priceless

Me: Naddddd,i loooooooove you!!
Nadrah: I love you too!!
->SWEETEST REPLY!

A few other with monkey bussiness partney,Sharifah of course. We laughed all our energies out. I had fun,i'm sure she had a hell of a time too.I cannot stop laughing when i think about Nicholas going inside class without the teacher's permission. Haha! That was the main event. The other one was the part whereby me and Sharifah (still laughing very wildly) was walking under one umbrella. The rain was super cold and heavy. There was this part where she asked me not to use the umbrella. And i did,since she was with me,i pulled the umbrella away and played with the rain. (Firdaus is gonna scream at me) She was half-drenched at the back when i'm not even wet. Haha. Afterwhich,i walked to the LRT on my own. It was fun till the part when Apeks-lepak-bawah-block was looking at my transparent shirt. I feel like slapping their botak head. I had to stop and sit down at this place cause i thought my watch was lost. Padahal dalam beg! Heh. That place reminds me of yazid. )':

Anyhoooooooooooo,Math was al-right. I hope i can pass with a good grade. I wish examinations were as easy as class tests. Unfortunately it's not :/ I struggled through Physics. I doubt i can pass Physics. But miracle do happen right fek? :) It's been a week since i layed my hands or even step into the workshop. I'm feeling a little lazy these days. Besides,it's the exams week. I would rather get a C for all subjects compared to an A1 for d&t and flunk everything else.

Malay o level is in... 11 more days? But we'll be having this course till next wednesday. Me and Sharifah will be taking Hospitality. Which is the same with Munirah and Danial. I was a lil' shocked when i saw the list. Only four people in the class who's taking that course? Wah. Tak jauh dgn phrase matair kau 'one in a million'. HAHA. Allah dan Sharifah sahaja yang memahami :)

TWO MORE PAPERSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS AND I'M FREEEEEE TOOO GOOOOOOOOOO AND REDEEM MY FREE COOKIES AND KFC. OKAY I WANNA WATCH UPIN AND IPIN ~~~~!! BYEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE LOVEEEEELIESSS!

which way should i follow?

2009-05-16T02:11:00.000-07:00

I AM BOREDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD.

I know i should be studying now,but i can't help but to stop and watch Darling. It's a very good movie about guys playing second fiddle. He ended up committing a murder. Whenever you're having a third party in your relationship,obviously things wont go right. It's a good movie cause it also made me realize that i shouldn't trust a guy who's already with someone else. Cause most probably he might leave me,and not her. Ring a bell? :/

4 more papers to go and i'm off to the clinic. I can't stand the pain anymore. It hurts a lot. It feels as if my skin's burning. Really. I hope it's nothing serious. Ajan said it might be diabetes. Custard. He scares the hell out of me. Please tell me he's just being a brat like usual and scaring me. D: Well i have to get up early tomorrow morning. It will be my first time walking to a mosque. (Cheh) I hope i will be able to get up,cause the topic really attracts me.

BACK TO MATH!

& oh, did i forgot to mention something really really important? I love S. Firdaus manyak manyakk~ Thanks for making me smile eventhough for just 20 minutes. You made my day. REMEMBER TO CLOSE YOUR MOUTH! =)

Burn baby burn!

2009-05-15T02:43:00.000-07:00

I'm feeling a little dancy today. I laughed alot these days. I don't know why. I laugh till like what, i know. But who cares? Hidup mesti mau enjoy mah~ Hah! Chemistry was fine. Except for the fact that i drew the graph wrongly and had to liquid it away and redraw it,it was fine. For the first time in my life,i studied chemistry last night. But the thing that i memorized the most, didn't come out. Well,nevermind then. (: Thanks to Sharifah cause she motivated me to study chemistry yesterday. And she made me laugh my arse off when i read about the message she sent me. We were talking 'bout one of our ex-classmate. She sounds like a high class minah la huh. Hehehe :) Anyway,you might be thinking that the middle picture above is a very act-cute-nak-mampos pose. But fyi,it wasn't me who took that picture. Betul. :D

I'm very contented with my life right now. I have everything i need. Friends,family and i'm already in my stable condition. I spend almost all the time laughing and talking to fun people. It's as if there's no more room for tears and sorrows. I was a little hurt last few weeks,but i'm all fine now. Thanks to everyone. Even to the one who caused everything. Cause "what doesn't kill you today makes you stronger tomorrow". And that line is utterly true. So what i'll have to do now is just to give my fullest attention to studies. No more red eye late nights. STUDY STUDY STUDY FATIN! I'm sure i've got nothing to worry 'bout when i have good certs. All i can think about is just cash cash cash. I'll have to study in order to earn good cash. Yeah.

I'm a little lazy to do anything today. Tomorrow's Saturdayyyyy,yeay! At least i can wake up slight later than usual. Slightly later cause i still have mendaki. But i don't know whether i should go for mendaki or dental appointment. I have Math paper this monday. I think i should go for Mendaki? Hmm.. I'm so bored right now. Mana b aku ni,tak online2. Heh :)

U&I!

2009-05-13T21:12:00.000-07:00

This wall i've been building all these while came crashing down. Came crashing down~

It shocks me how some guys can give their number through tagged messages. Not to be hao-lian. But i received two messages today. One of them wrote something like " hey. do you have a hp? if you have,leave me your number aye. Mine's _____. My comp abit laggy uh. So cannot on MSN " Aha,wth? We talked only twice through tagged messages. And he left me with his number? Me and Ina were like laughing away when we saw that message. I deleted that message without even saving his number. Good looking,yes. Nice, yes. Sweet,yes. Thrill, definitely a no-no for me. Easy,cheap? I'm not sure. But what i'm sure of is,this kind of people should undergo a workshop that i saw over the net. It's called "Keep your retail price high,girls" =)

Tomorrow is Chemistry. Difficult! I hate science. And i'm sure science hates me too. I'll do whatever i know tomorrow. I'll read up a lil later. A lil only. =D I can't believe tomorrow is Friday. And next wednesday,it's already the end of examinations. After that,we'll be having this course thing. Then Intensive Malay. AND DNTTTTTTTTTTTTTT. Omggg. I get so nervous whenever i go for d&t. Cuma fek & ping pong sahaja la yang tahu.

Straight froooooooooooooo,tengok! I'M SMILLINGGGGGGGGGGG! YESSSSSSS, last two days. This ex of mine have been really kind and provided me with alottt of piece of advices. He said there's no use putting on a frown and waste your time thinking about things like this. Thanks laaaa. Nanti aku suruh mak aku masakkan kau mee goreng kay?! Yazid said the same thing too. So i guess i'll just have to leave it to God. I don't frown anymore. I smile,even at the times when i didn't get to talk to Muhd Arif. I'm still smilling cause he said sorrrrrrrrrrrry. Teeeeeheeeeheeeeeeee. I'm smilling cause Sharifah made me laugh alot. True Minah!! I'm smilling cause my firdausss is talking to me eventhough he's not bored~! I'm smilling cause i get to eat whatever i want. I'm smilling cause tomorrow is friday! I'm laughing really loudly because of upin and ipin! So cute! :DDDDDDDDDD I'm bored. Hurh.

thank god it's friday

2009-05-08T06:04:00.000-07:00

I feel a lil wasted today.

I wish i can turn back time and study instead.

I wish i can do so much things.

What do i gain by thinking about someone who keeps lying to me?

On a brighter note...
I feel so much better now. After a few days of non-stop crying and stuff,i finally decided to stop on everything and just give my fullest attention to my friends,family and studies. I can proudly say something like "kalau ade bagus,kalau takde pun bagus" to mum. Cause yazid ckp "kejar cita cita,bukan cinta" And yes,that is utterly true. But baby,that doesn't give you the right to leave me. You should be guiding me through. Ah,who cares. I have 101 more things to think about. Things like how to foster and revive back my friendship with people like Nadrah.

So much fun,so little time. I'm happy whenever i'm with Sharifah. In school,we can talk about almost everything. Good and bad. Insulting and praising. We were friends since primary 2. Of course we're close. Spent almost all our schooling lives together. Aha,make sure ask your sister to reply my letter uh! "BUAT AKU MARA JE" heh!

English paper was al-right. I would definately be downcasted if i flunk this paper. I have so much to write about,but there wasn't sufficient time. Especially situational writing :/ Doakan aku pass kay fek? :) Gayboy was practically standing outside the class wishing everybody good luck. Hah,funny la he. So gay. So i'll be happy Mid Year Exams starting from next wednesday onwards. I'm sure i'll have to push everything else aside and study. I might probably be skipping d&t from next week onwards. So no d&t for me for a week or two! No heart-racing,no broken fingernails. I promise i will get back to practical as soon as i finish my exams. And same goes for my heart. I won't fall for anyone else till i finish my o's. I promise.

Have you ever thought what will you be doing 10 years down the road? I thought about that while i was lying down with Sharifah after running today. Most probably,i will be somewhere in Seng Kang primary, yelling to some cutestuff. Heh. Perhaps,Sharifah would be yelling to Rahayu instead? Hehe :) I really hope i can be a teacher. With that,at least i can gain more 'pahala' when i pass down my knowledge and educate cute little angels. I know that won't be enough to cover up all the sins that i've done. Still,it's something worthwhile. I don't wanna end up being a useless fella whom only knows how to use their parent's money.. I wanna give them money. I wanna bring back wealth. I wanna be on top. I want to have all the glory to myself. I'll earn a lot,be successful,clever, intelligent,filthy rich and pretty. Then,you will know what you've lost,my love.

On top of that.

I wanna apologize to Muhd Farhan for not being there for him yesterday. I am really sorry. I know it's hard. But it's better if he goes back to God rather than he stay and suffer. You're the head of the family now. You hafta study and make this life worthwhile. You will always have my support. I will help you in everything,insyAllah. I hope you will still be the farhan i know when you return back to school. The crazy and noisy farhan who loves to disturb Mrs V. Cheer up alright? Frowns doesn't look good on you at all. We all love you farhan. :)

Have i answered your question?

2009-05-02T19:29:00.000-07:00

10 Things I Love About You,Muhd Arif.

I love the way..

How you never fail to draw a smile on my face everytime we chat.
How you relate everything to our religion.
How you make me realise that he's at the losing end and not me.
How you never get tired of replying my problematique messages.
How you accompanied me watching School of Rock cause you knew i was bored.
How you made me feel when you said you actually like me.
How you reassure me that i'm gonna enjoy life after this.
How you said it doesn't matter whether i'm fat or how my bangs sucks,the ayu-ness comes from the inside.
How you laugh when you were webcaming with me the other day.

And last but not least,

I love the way how you put spaces between your numbers.

Heh

I can't deny that you're turning into one son of a bitch. Still,it's too wasted for me to leave. If i haven't promised to love you for better or worse,maybe i would leave you even right now. But the thing is, i've given you my whole heart. It's hard for me to throw everything away. I don't wanna waste my 2 years knowing you. I wanna make it worthwhile. I'll try to love myself more. Probably more than i'll ever love you.

Opah no more

2009-05-02T00:01:00.000-07:00

Hello earthlings. After so much consideration,i've decided to cut off my bags. And i did. I don't know if it's nice. I hope it is. I don't know how to go out if it's not nice. Malunyaaa. Omg,muka anak anak abu abis~ I bet Hosni gonna say "Eh.. Muke kau mcm time kau sec two ah. You know i know (insert gatal face) " Hahah! That boy uh,really,he get all worked up if i start talking 'bout the things that had happened between me and him while we were both in sec two. Again,you know i know. ^^) But those were the days. Now both me and him have totally changed. Well, maybe not him,but me,yes.

I've decided to put everything aside and just concentrate on the people who loves me. I'LL JUST HAVE TO DUMP THE PEOPLE WHO DOESN'T. My girls should know better :) I'd rather stay single compared to telling lies to people about us,and get cheated by you. It's so unfair when you said it was a sudden thing and it went away after awhile. Banyak kau pey "i love you baby and it'll be a honour if you're mine". My gut feelings were right,you playazz. Aspal lagi hot. HAHAHAHA! I'm sure if i were to publicize your name here,you would be very ashamed. It shows how cheap your feelings are,despite having that charming and good looks. Your good looks doesn't give you the right to hurt someone,BABY. No matter what,i'll keep everything you said to me confidential. And i hope you do too. We were friends before,in 'luv' for a day,and i hope we'll continue to be friends again. I still want you to be my friend,especially when we're in the same place almost everyday. We still have to see each other,whether we like it or not. And i don't wanna be anyone's enemy. So we'll just have to be normal. Aite? :)

My week had been fine. Minus part where i cried in the middle of Golden Landmark waiting for a miracle to happen,it was fine. My cupcakes made it fine. My family made it fine. Muhd Arif made it fine. School made it fine. The thought of yazid singing that ant song made it fine... :) Isly. Hoping for a better tomorrow with loved ones. Mid year's coming soon,and i've yet started on my revision. That's it. After 7pm today,i'm gonna start revising bigtime. Especially Chemistry! Anyone volunteering to help me out with Science/Malay?

I'm still waiting for a sign.

Cinta jangan kau pergi

2009-05-01T04:39:00.000-07:00

HELP NEEDED!

Anyone who knows a guy with the email address of :

wonder_boi_ajid@hotmail.com

Please email me A.S.A.P.

I really need to know where the hell he is. He just vanished. I can't take it anymore. I don't wanna give up on him. If you're reading this,Please come back to me baby. I love you so. I'd leave everything for you. You know i'd do anything just to have you here with me. I promise i won't pinch your nose anymore. I'll let you punch,slap or pinch me. Anything. Just come back.

I love you Muhd Yazid Bin Azman.

When a old crush comes true

2009-04-30T03:54:00.000-07:00

"Let's continue this affair. Let's continue our deal about who is gonna win or lose. Let's forget about your dear friend. Let's forget about everything. I'm fickle minded,i know. You are too. I'm feeling very miserable since last night. Let's not tell anyone in the whole wide world. I'll keep it to myself,i promise. I'm think i love you,sweetu."

That's what i thought when i saw him today. Seriously. I couldn't take my eyes off him. It's very hard for me to forget someone once i've fallen for them. It took me the whole year to forget yat,don't tell me i have to go through hell again just to forget you? This is depressing. How long can i hide this little feeling inside? I cant possibly go to school normally anymore. Can't you see it's written all over my face?

I can't live,if living is without you.

2009-04-25T04:35:00.001-07:00

Sometimes i wish i could replay all the lovey dovey feelings you gave me,skip all these quarelling periods,pause at the moment where you're sucha sweetheart. Eventhough sometimes i am so dissapointed in everything you've done and said,i can't deny that deep down,i'm still madly in love with you. Eventhough sometimes i may have hated you a winny bit,i can't deny that deep down,i'm still madly in love with you. I am yazid,and that's the only reason why i'm still here now. If i were to become the person that i am before i met you,i would be sending you a long message just to say that i'm leaving. But now,that's the last thing on Earth i would do. No,i won't leave. If things gets worst,i'll wait for you to leave me. Cause i know i will never have the cheek to do that. It is so heartbreaking to think about the times when you're always there for me through night and day. The times when i couldn't sleep. The times when i was down.. You were still awake just to keep me occupied. I miss you yazid,i really do. I remember you saying you wanted us to be like last time,but what's happening now? Is it just me?It's not that i'm expecting a lot from you,but.. You were so perfect few months ago,and all i need now is that old you. I know i will never get that back. But at least,maybe you could just love me a little bit. I'm not asking for your full heart now,cause i know it's impossible. Just a little bit of your love. If you can't even give me that,i don't even know why the hell you're still staying here with me. Bottom line is,i'm not strong. I'm not strong to go through all these thick walls. Maybe this is a test. But God had just took away someone i really love. Someone whom i poured all my love to. Just bring the old yazid back to me,please. :'(

Compare this two short notes:

"Relax kay sayang. Go and cool yourself down first. Jangan sedih or bingit with whoever la. Just be truthful. It will get you through your problems. Don't worry love,i'm here. "

- 25/03/09

"Cheer up."

- 25/04/09

Exactly one month. Weird,much? Remember the times when you patiently comforted me whenever i have problems? Remember when you use to talk as if you cared? Remember when you said you're gonna be there for me till your last breath? Remember everything? If you don't,i do. Every single thing you said. I thought i was all fine just now. But don't know why,i suddenly cried again. Your " Reward number 1 go toilet. Reward number 2 absent. Reward number 3... dont know ah he go where. heh" made me feel very bad.. And you really did made me laugh when i think about the time you said " nak duduk bole? " Do you know that you look super adorable at that point of time? You melted my heart. My heart was beating really fast. Did you notice me smile every once in a while. I smiled cause you made me feel very blessed. Blessed because come to think of it,who would thought that i would bump into you few months ago?

Perhaps you're tired of me. You're angry,disapointed,remorse,everything,anything. I am tired too. Tired of quareling. Tired of crying. Tired of frowning. I'm tired of isolating myself from everyone. You promised me forever. But we're not gonna spend the rest of our lives quareling aren't we? This might sound so old,but,you're someone whom i really love right now. Even 50 years down the road, i would still say the same thing. Why did you have to change? From perfect to good. From good to bad. From bad to worse. Still,this love grows. It doesn't decrease. Every night,before i go to bed,i didn't pray for myself. I asked god if he could make you love me more a little bit more the next morning. Hopefully more and more each and everyday. But seems like he didn't give me what i wanted. He took you away from me instead. If you're not here for me,who am i suppose to turn to? I'm sure Arif is tired of me. I'm sure Sharifah is. I'm sure everyone is. Cause every single day,without fail,the only person i mention is you. No one else.

Change. If you can't change,maybe i should. Like i've said before. I would love less,care less,bother less,talk less,quarel less. Decrease everything. But you wanted us to be like we used to. Why do you have to change again? I'm not asking for alot yazid,i'm asking for you,to be who you are 2 years back. Eventhough you told me everything that you've done before,everything that you've did,you broke your promise saying that you won't smoke,still,i accepted and didn't talk much. I made that face that irritates you because i didn't wanna explode and say everything that i shouldn't say. You say you don't deserve all this. Do i deserve to be sad everyday? You see, that's the problem with both of us. You,changed,because you think it's right. Not thinking that i would be upset and go berserk. Me,selfish,want you to be the way i want you to be. And that is something,you will never be. Don't tell me you've been putting a charade for the last two years? I won't ask you to change to be someone whom you're not. You're once like that.. And all i need now is you to stay that way.

I want to sleep. Sleep peacefully. But i can't. I hadn't been sleeping. I hadn't been eating anything filling. I know i've done alot of mistakes. I've let you down alot of time. I know you've tried your best to make me happy few weeks back. But now,you're changing again. Again and again. Dont change yazid,i'm not strong. If you don't love me,tell me. Don't bring me through hell. I'm not as strong as you. I'm not sure what i'm suppose to do now. I don't wanna leave. I don't want you to leave. It's okay if i'm gonna feel this way for the rest of my life. What's important is,what you're feeling inside. Can you be the person who i tricked about me being lesbian somewhere in June 08?

Im tired b.. Can we forget eveything and just be happy again? Please? I promise i wont ask for anything for my birthday. I just need you back here with me.

18th

2009-04-19T06:36:00.000-07:00

Im currently watching 'datin diaries'. Haha i don't like that drama,but what to do,Harper's Island is 25 minutes away. And i dont have any hindustan to watch. Hmm,it's only 10 but everyone's asleep already. Hmm.. Tomorrow is a no schooling day. Yeayynesssss! So that means i have one extra day to rest. My body's aching. My lips are really dry. Ive been drinking alot of water these days. Everywhere i go,i just need water. Water water water. Im facing hair loss too. >:( Nasib tkde egg inside the nose lagi. Oh god,please dont give me that again. I bet my classmates are gonna continue with their spidergirl jokes again if i happen to have that kind of egg again. Heh.

Yesterday was half-disastrous,half-fun. I was sad when i saw the former best friends not talking to each other. A gender i will never understand. So ego yet so nice.. I saw a lot of people that i shouldn't be seeing. Even though i've moved on,i'm still happy when i see them. I don't know why,but it feels so nice to talk to the people who used to be close to you. Especially when you have so many things to ask about,but the moment you see their face,you went speechless and all you could say is just hi. But in a nutshell,i had fun. Thanks for the day classmates.

And to you, i'm sorry i punched you. I'm sorry i pinched you non-stop. I'm sorry i threw highlighters at your right eye. And i'm sorry i had to go. I really didn't want to part with you at that point of time. I love you so much yazid,i really do..

i need a hug

2009-04-09T20:37:00.000-07:00

I went to the library yesterday. Took out the Stress Management book and read it. I took part in the stress test (to know whether you're going through an excessive stress or just a minor one) and to my surprise, i'm actually going through the excessive one. Huh? But i'm happy now you know? I don't know how true that book was. But i have most of the symptoms. How to recover? I'll have to spend more time with my self, stop worrying so much, and stop thinking for a while. Breathe and sleep well. These days, i only sleep for six hours. Eat once. Heart is racing fast. And having a very bad headache. Maybe it's cause the N's are drawing near. I'm very scared =\

I wish i can go to the Caribbeans now. I wanna sit along the beach. Play with the small waves. With small little childrens. Perhaps with Apiz ,Arman and Amirah? =)

*Back to reality!

I have yet completed my folio. Huda has finished hers. Hmm,i need to sit down and do it together with Mr Teo this monday. Point is,if i finish my d&t,i can focus on other subjects like maths and science etc. I really need to buck up in Chemistry. I think i'm okay with Math already. Mother Tongue? Well, my master have already volunteered to help. That is if he doesn't go for Ns. Awh,don't go okay Arif? =]

Currently chatting with Farhana. No one's really online now. So i'm bored. My phone didn't ring or even beep since i woke up. Not exactly, once, twice,whatever. But i haven't talk to anyone. I miss the times when my phone use to busy with endless conversations with one particular person. I hate it when im talking to alot of people. I just hate it. I wish i'm nicer to everyone. Haaa,crapzxzxzxz.

I wanna go back to sleep,but im not sleepy. I wanna call you,but im shy. I wanna do my homework, but im lazy. What should i do?

dear master,

2009-04-05T00:49:00.000-07:00

Here's my once in a blue moon eyes.

Muhammad Arif. Thank you for being there for me. Day and night without fail. Im touch by the way you wasted your five cents in the middle of the night just to ask me whether im able to sleep or not. It's really sweet of you master. If it's wasn't for you,i wouldn't be sitting here in my bed updating my blog.I would probably still be sitting around the corner,blaming myself for everything that has happened. Through all these little things you've said to me, im starting to realize there's more to life apart from love. There's more people out there that deserves my smiles and laughters. I don't think it's fair for them if i continue to be moody and ignore them,just because i'm sad. That is selfish. Even if i cant bring joy to you or make you smile very widely,i can at least be nice and not rude. I am sorry if im rude to you at any point of time. I remembered me replying you in a very negative manner when you actually want to make me feel better. That is extreme cruelty, I am really sorry. =\ I wanna stop shouting and make this life meaningful. It's funny how i regretted rejecting your calls when i actually have the urge of answering it and talk to you. Hoping that i could put all these things aside and just be fine. For you. I could have talked about some other thing apart from my problems. Youve never told me anything that bothers you. It must be nice to live a life without problems isnt it? It must be nice to go home everyday,seeing two little angels playing around the hall. I wish i have a junior to make me laugh everyday. But since i dont have any. I 'll just have to accept the fact that Allah has sent you to draw a smile on my face. And im thankful. Thank you Allah. Thank you Arif.

And thank you yazid for making me a new person. I love you for that.

2009-04-04T21:25:00.001-07:00

I thought it was gonna be a happy sunday. Unfortunately, it was the worst sunday i ever had. :'(

one more try,baby.

2009-04-04T08:04:00.000-07:00

I should be sleeping by now. It's already 23:07. And to me,it's not nice for a young girl to stay up till wee hours. I have difficulties in sleeping these days. My head are all loaded up with 101 things. My mind keep thinking about one major thing. One path that would either lead me to further pains or happiness. It's either i ignore or confront. WHAT SHOULD I DO? Let's try Daniel's way of seeing things in life. There's a downside to everything,yes. It's ironic how my friends told me it's fun to be in love and stuff when here i am trying real hard to make everything work. If i were to end everything now,at least it'll be a peaceful end. And not leaving it hanging there. Eventually i will be happy sooner or later. Find someone else that's worth the tears and sleepless nights. And do well in studies. Move on with a heavy heart. It will be hard for me,surely,cause ive already relate everything i have with him. But suppose i dont end everything. I will continue to keep everything to myself. He will make me laugh and smile really widely. Make me feel loved. At the same time, obviously it's gonna be a hell of a ride. The other pace is when we're going through the bumpy road. He's gonna say what he feels. And i'm gonna be super sensitive and offended. But for sure,im gonna be happy. I'll be the happiest girl alive if everything we have now is gonna work out. But im not sure whether it's really gonna happen. It's not something impossible. We made it impossible. If i were to go to bed with a heavy heart tonight,wake up tomorrow and ignoring my feelings, i'm gonna die sooner or later. But if i were to tell you what i'm feeling,it wont turn out well. We both gonna have to quarell again and im gonna start apologizing and spend the rest of the nights to come thinking and blaming myself. No matter how much you promise me that you want to change and be nicer,you dont show it. You tried i can see that.And if it's not because of love,i could have just left a long time ago. I wished i never really payed attention to you,so that you dont have the guts to tell me that you love me. And you didnt get the chance to make me feel very happy. I really want my life back. Neh,i want my old yazid back. Just that one parituclar guy who made me smile so widely eventhough at the times when i have a high fever. Please,im begging you god. Just bring him back to me. I promise i will give up swearing. =\